Happy Birthday Ryker!!

I can't believe how fast this year has gone by. The past couple of weeks I have been thinking of all the blessings a miracles that have happened and I am overwhelmed by the love my Heavenly Father has for me. Wow! My son has changed my life so much. Each day I love him more and remember that he is my miracle. He is here for a reason. Heavenly Father needs him here to teach me patience, unconditional love and hope. I have gained more faith and trust this past year then I ever thought I would. I have even noticed that  my prayers have been more meaningful and powerful because of Ryker. This last surgery I thought I would be disappointed not coming home off of oxygen, but I feel comfort. I know Heavenly Father blessed him to come home in only two days. I felt he was suppose to go home off oxygen, but I know he will soon. I have no more fears. I know things will go up from here.  This last year has made me pull my hair our, cry, feel more love for someone, strengthened my marriage, and gave me life experience. Its one of the hardest years of my life. Without my husband, I succeed through the Nicu experience. Fighting with doctors and advocating for my son has been a challenge, but worth it. I can't believe how much it took out of me. Sometimes I feel like I am just treading water. I am so ready to just swim. Just get out of what I am in and move forward. Heavenly Father prepares us for things in ways we don't even realize until after the fact. He has done it to me my whole life. I keep playing the events from last year over and over in my head and wow!!! Miracles are everywhere. They really do happen!  Happy Birthday Ryker. You are Mama's Miracle son!

The more stuff we find out about Ryker and his chromosome disability the more I realize how much of a miracle Ryker is. Everything wrong with him has to do with his chromosome disability, but Heavenly Father finds ways to make those challenges a miracle in Ryker's life. 

 I can't believe one year ago I was being life flighted to Utah, the state that I never wanted to go back to, to find out my baby boy was going to be born three months early. In a terrifying c section with only my sister there to support me. Being ripped from my comfort zone in Idaho without saying goodbye to those I care about was hard, but seeing my little man in critical condition was extremely hard. Terrified, stressed, and not knowing what was going to happened was only some of the feelings.  Finding out of Ryker's syndrome was a huge life changer.

When your baby is given a genetic diagnosis, you experience many emotions. Sadness – that your baby is never likely be “cured”; Guilt – was it something you did?; Anger – why you / them?; Denial – it can’t really be happening to you, can it? And fear – fear of a future which no longer looks so certain.

When your baby is given a genetic diagnosis of a rare chromosome disorder, you can add confusion and bewilderment to that list. Because nobody, not even the genetics doctors, know what exactly to predict. Nobody really knows what a baby with a rare genetic diagnosis is capable of achieving, or what challenges they may need to overcome.  But with all those fears and feels I have felt comfort and love! Miracles Miracles Miracles!!

It's been a love/hate experience. Tears, fears, love, happiness, joy, stress, and lots of struggles have been my year, but now it's over. Ryker is one! We made it one year!  We can keep fighting this fight. My son is so strong and doesn't want to give up. He is stubborn and willing to keep going. He wants to be here and is willing to push through the pain and struggles every trail that is thrown at him. 

Once again my sunshine. Happy Birthday! I love you with all my heart!

 Julian Family Birthday Party! Monster Cakes!!

 Ryker's cake was jello and cool whip. He hated it! Ha Ha