Utah! Well still not my favorite BUT....

This has been an eventful week. As much as I hate Utah, traffic is the worst, I am liking the fact that I live so close to my siblings and old friends. I have been video gaming it up the past weekend with my two brothers and sister in law. I never bonded with them until after we were all married so now it's nice to hang with them. They are pretty cool peeps. I didn't ever thing I would ever say that ha. I see them often now we schedule a monthly sometimes twice a month hangouts.

We even hung out with Colby and Susan Hadlock. We haven't seen them in a very long time. It's was a good time on Saturday playing rock band and board games.

I also went to lunch with my former mission companion. It was nice to see her and hear her horror story of being pregnant. I felt like she could relate to what our little family has been dealing with.  She is having another baby and going forward with faith.  Thanks Melissa Wilde for being such a great example to me. I learn from you every time I talk to you.

Well little Ryker has figured out he can move from his tummy to his back. Still struggling with his head lifting. He has a major head tilt to the right side making it hard for him to roll and sit up. So the Physical Therapist has given us struck stretching instructions. Hopefully it will help. We were also informed today that little man needs a helmet to reshape his head. So I will be contacting the plastic surgeon tomorrow to set up an appointment. Just another doctor to see in Ryker's world.

Today we ventured down to see Grandma Julian. It is great Grandma Julian's birthday so we figured it would be nice to celebrate together in honor of her. I sure do miss my grandma. She was such a remarkable person. I wish I could spend one more day with her. I love her advice and how she was always so blunt. She was a great woman!

Well love you all. Thanks for reading and following. It's nice to see people still think I am interesting. Ha

family family and more family

It's been a crazy week with my family. Jen and Godfrey made it to Boston. I really wish I could go and visit soonish. I think it would be an adventure to move there. They are so lucky to have that experience. I wish we didn't have to have this Utah experience and we could pack up and move somewhere else, but the Lord works in ways I just don't understand. I know we are suppose to be here with all the crazy business that is happening with both side of our families.

Every time I look at Tayla and Tyce I am grateful for the chance to be this close to them. I get to be the aunt I always wanted to be. I sure do love those kiddos. And my mom, I know I need to get her up here. She needs to spend time with her grandson. I don't know how long we have with her and I know I want her to be part of our family. Lastly, my two brothers. I missed the time I didn't get to hang with them when we lived in Idaho. Now I see them almost every week if not for sure monthly. Game nights, Halo, and junk food. I love bonding with them. I was also informed thAt my older brother is getting divorced. I feel for him, I want to help him and give his support in anyway I can.

It's been a busy week of family. Jeromy has been staying my house of and on this week. Which is awesome because I have someone to talk to during the day. Also, we get to play Halo all day long. Ha. I did do my weekly cleaning in Monday so my house is clean. I felt good about not doing anything all day. Lol.

I talked to Jen yesterday. I still can't believe she is gone. So crazy! I guess I need to vacation there
 I would love to see the big city. She is so close to everything. She is starting a vlog. I am excited because I get to see all the cool stuff there in Boston through Jen's eyes.

The latest adventure in the Allen Family was when we decided to walk to get frozen custard. The GPS said it was only 3.5 miles, but we took the wrong road and ended up walking 7.5 miles. Oops! Well needless to say after two popped tires in the stroller, tired bodies, no car and four hours later. I sacrificed my feet and walked the actual 3.5 miles back home to get the car. I went back to the ice cream place to get Parker, Marci, and Ryker. We were dead especially my feet. I couldn't even walk up the stairs the next day. Moral of the story is If you make a wrong turn it's not worth walking further for ice cream. Just go back home and take it as a sign that you don't need the extra calories. Ha!!!

One last story that made my week. On Thursday I told Jeromy how to get to the train station from our house. He made the wrong turn and ended up in Kaysville. (Guess it must be a Julian direction error) well he ended up with two popped so I went to rescue him. When I arrived to where he was I set my phone in top of the car. I forgot about it and started to drive away. Well at the first stop I got a cute old man came running up to my car with my phone in his hands. I was amazed! First I couldn't believe I left, second I was grateful that we still have honest people in this world. Once again a blessing and miracle in my life. If you keep looking, I promise you will find them in yours as well.

Now the big news on Ryker. I have a mobile rolling baby on my hand these days. He just doesn't want to stay put. I have a feeling the next couple of weeks are going to be a rude awakening. Ryker will be off oxygen, no tube, and mobile. Crazy!! He has gone down to 1/16 of oxygen during the day and 2 liters at night this week. Keep it up my little man!!! I truly am grateful for him. He is and always will be a foundation of my testimony of miracles and of the love of my Heavenly Father. Miracles happen!! Believe it!

Saying goodbye to Jen and Godfrey!

Well this has been a great weekend. First my amazing older brother Jeromy stayed with us on Friday. We played Video games until 4:30 in the morning. I haven't done that since I was in college. It was a great fun time. It was also nice to bond with him again. Living out of state makes it hard to get together with my brothers. So it is so nice to live so close now. Hopefully more Halo sleepover adventures int he future.

On Saturday we went to Jen and Godfrey's house in sugar house. We helped them pack up the last of their belongs so they could set off to Boston. It didn't hit me until we were leaving that Jen was actually leaving. I cried because we have become so close the last couple of years. Crazy huh. My mom always told us we would be best friends. Who would have thought she would have been right. She maybe old, but she does have some good things to learn from still. We all played card games fora while before it was time to depart. They are off for an adventure and I am slightly jealous. One day we will be able to do a huge move like that. We still have to wait for Ryker to become much more stable in his breathing.

Speaking of breathing, Ryker is doing a lot better. He is down to 1/8 of liter still, but taking it like the champ he is. We have tried to take it down more, but he just can't hold it just yet. We have him hooked up to the heart monitor most of the day just to make sure he is doing ok with an 1/8. He is doing great so far. We don't see the sleep doc again until September. I am a little nervous to see him. He is the one who says yes or no to the bipap and getting completely off of oxygen. Still praying, but I am so blessed to have seen the miracle surgery working already. Hopefully in a few more weeks we will see some more improvement.

Ryker is getting to the point now where he is taking the majority of his feeds through the bottle. He is eating about 5 ounces of formula each meal time. We are also introducing him to baby foods. He has tried pears, apples, bananas, and sweet potatoes. He seems to enjoy them. The goal now is to transition him off of night time feedings. Hopefully it turns out well. We don't see the dietitian for a couple more weeks, but we might be going up on calories and food intake. Ryker is at a big boy weight of 17.3lbs. I can't believe it! He is getting so big. Well here's to another great week of our Allen family adventure. Loves!

I just want to give a little shout out to my amazing sister in law. Sadie Julian is like the perfect daughter and an awesome sister! She is always so willing to help my mom. We have a running joke that she is out doing me and I need to step up my game. My mom and her are doing all the craft days that we never got to do because I lived in Idaho. She is amazing at being proactive in helping others out. I sure love her. I am so glad my brother married her. Great Choice Josh! It's only been a couple of month, but I already feel like we are sisters. You rock Sadie!!

 Ryker's First Time Eating Solid Foods. He wasn't sure what to do!!!

Marriage...It's a crazy thing

Marriage, it's a crazy thing don't you think. We are taught to sleep in our own rooms, be independent, live by ourselves, then when you meet someone you adore with all your heart and get marriage you have to adjust to everything you were ever taught before. 

My marriage has been amazing! I mean yes we are not perfect, we may have our own little Parker Jessica Arguments, but we sure do love each other. And this year is going to be our 7 year itch. I can't believe how much we have grown up together. We have become a team and have overcome some impossible challenges. But we are still making it work and still love each other stronger. 

I was asked one time how our marriage is going with this whole Ryker situation. I just laughed and said well Parker is always Parker. He doesn't care if Ryker is blue, black, orange, or special he will love him no matter what. Our marriage has grown stronger because of little Ryker. We have worked harder to become more of a team, a family, and advocates. We have shared tears, joy, relief, frustration, and extreme terror. But we just keep pushing through. We have each other.

If I didn't have Parker to go through this experience with me I don't know if I would be able to make it by myself. He is my rock and I need him everyday to be the mom I know I need to be. He is the man I want my children to be around because he is a perfect example of hard work and willingness to keep pushing forward not matter how hard a situation will be. Parker is always so positive even when I am a Debbie downer.  I love him. I found this amazing quote of Fathers with kids with special needs. It's Parker all the way, Check it out.....

When you become a parent, it changes you. But when your tiny, brand new baby is given a life-altering diagnosis that thrusts you into the world of special needs, it really changes you.

Some people change for the better and some change for the worse. Your relationship with your spouse can get stronger or it can fall apart. The first few years of this new life will reveal that change. Slowly but surely, you’ll see it developing. And in the end, many husbands and wives make it through the rocky path and learn to navigate this new life together and their relationship not only survives, but thrives.

When your relationship is strong and makes it through, the dad behind the diagnosis will become a different man. He’ll become someone that you will love exceedingly more. He’ll listen more and learn patience. He’ll see things in everyday life with new eyes. He’ll think more with his heart, rather than his brain. His eyes will well up with tears at the sight of your beautiful miracle child doing something ordinary that he or she was never “supposed” to do. All of these changes are due to your child who was born with special needs.

In these relationships, 98 percent of the time, the mother’s life revolves around the child with special needs. It is usually the momma who brings them to the doctor appointments and therapies. The momma packs her bag and stays by their side for hospital admissions. The momma will often leave her job to stay home and care for this precious child. It is usually the momma who keeps everyone abreast of the child’s health. It is the momma who openly expresses her feelings about living this wonderful, yet difficult life.

And it is the momma who is usually seen crying as she endures yet another blow of bad news from the doctor. From the outside looking in, it seems the momma carries most of the load of all that a special needs life has to offer. However, nothing could be further from the truth…

The dad in this picture is often overlooked. Most of the time, Dad is working. A lot. He finds himself at work wondering how his child’s day is going more often than not. Finances usually depend on his paycheck. If he isn’t working, he is taking care of the home front and other children, a duty just as important as any other.

Most of the time, his emotions are hidden by a strong face and he rarely lets those emotions loose, so he cries alone when no one is around. Most of the time, he wishes he was at those doctor appointments hearing the news straight from the doctor’s mouth because he wants to know everything just as much as his wife does. Most of the time, he is silent with his frustrations about this arduous life and he learns to deal differently. This is often why others forget about Dad, he plays a quiet but important role.

His heart aches for his child and his mind swirls with thoughts of what was supposed to be. He thinks of how he should be playing catch in the backyard with his son instead of lifting him into bed at night because he’s gotten too heavy for momma to do it. He thinks of how he should be letting his little girl play dress up with him and having tea parties instead of setting up the feeding pump that will give her nutrients through a feeding tube for 18 hours straight.

While he holds onto hope that his miracle with so many special needs will get better, he experiences what true love is daily through his child and accepts this life, puts on a brave smile for his family, goes to work to pay the bills and is always there to hold his wife when she feels doesn’t know what to do or where to turn.

This dad experiences the joy, the heartache, the love, the fear… all of it. He is willing to go unnoticed, unheard, unseen not because he isn’t equipped to live this special life, but rather because he is willing to be the strong, silent backbone for his child and wife. He is selfless and puts his own feelings aside so he can power through and take care of his family. In a society where the moms of children with special needs are constantly praised, the dad is often the unsung hero behind the scenes, snuggling, bathing, giving meds, working and allowing his family to thrive.

The dad behind the diagnosis may be hidden from your view, but he is there. Quietly supporting his family… and doing an amazing job.

I love you Parker Ronald Allen!! Thanks for being this kind of dad for our beautiful son!

Parker and Ryker at Josh and Sadie's Wedding in May

One of the many nights Parker slept at the hospital with Ryker.

Feeding Ryker like dad's do!! Relaxed!

Watching the Man shows together!!!

Marci is here!!!

Marci and I were talking about how she was suppose to come with me to utah last year when I was life flighted. That was a blessing. Me and her just click and I feel she is like a sister to me. I click with her like I do with Jen. She was so calm and very responsible. I needed someone who wasn't there to freak out. Then in January I felt she was suppose to come live with us but I wasn't sure how or why. I thought getting the teaching job was the answer but it wasn't. I was so confused. I wasn't sure why because I felt so strong about it. But when I was told I didn't get the job was the same time Tami and Tanner told us they were getting divorced. I felt strong that Marci needed to take this job. So I talked to Tami. I feel she is going to do wonderful things for that family. I also think Tyce needs someone like her. I also believe my little Ryker needs her here in some way. I am not sure how all this will play out, but I know there is a reason in all things. I am trying to find the spirit in all I do. Sometimes it's hard to know if it's me or if it's the spirit. Just like the west jordan house. I wanted that house because I thought that's where I wanted to be. And I know I just wanted to be done with it. I had doubts, but  I didn't recognize them because I was sick of looking and having the stress on my shoulders. Heavenly father definitely turned us the right way. I just need to remember it's his timing and not mine. It's his way and not mine. When I feel something is suppose to happen I want to make sure it happens my way. But he always finds a better way. I am truly thankful for Marci and her willingness to be here. I don't know the reason but I know she needs to be here. I don't know why, but I know Heavenly father will show me sooner then later.  I can't wait to see what her life will become here in Utah.

Surgery has proven a success!!!

Today was a big step in Ryker's recovery. He was bumped down to 1/8 of a liter of oxygen. He is doing fantastic with it. Sleeping is still a challenge for him, so we will most likely still be using the bipap but still it's a huge blessing to see some improvement. I wanted it to be fixed right after surgery, but there weeks later is fantastic too. I was looking faith that it wouldn't happen, but once again heavenly father proved me wrong. He is my little miracle baby for sure.

Ryker is more aware of faces, lights, toys, and everything around him. He loves to smile and is starting to have a grunt laugh. He finally can shake a rattle in fact he has this little orange ball he loves to sleep with. It's like his comfort toy. Today in therapy he started to lift his head on belly higher then I have seen him. It's been a big week for eating as well. I have been feeding him a bottle pretty much the every feed except at night time and naps. He is doing excellent!  Taking in about 4 1/2 ounces of formula each time. It is still thickened, but he is growing so much.  

I just remember all the tears of bring him home for the first time, but the frustration of him not eating and not being able to breath. I was so scared and I can't believe he has come this far. Once again Heavenly Father has proven me wrong. Oh yea of little faith!! I still have lots to learn. 

This is Ryker's home health nurse friend Paige! We sure do love her!!!

 Ryker's first adventure out after surgery. We went to boondocks and he handled really well.

Derby Day!

We went to the demolition derby. It was fun but really loud. I was grateful Ryker didn't come.  It's probably good from me to get out sometimes, but to be honest I am such a home body.  Which is crazy because I didn't use to be like that. I love just being home. It's my comfort area I guess. It's where I fit. Parker brought up that maybe it's because Ryker can't be with us due to his problems.  I started to cry because I think that has a lot to do with it. It's still really hard for me to see families with normal kids.  I know that Ryker will be okay. But the problem is that most of the time I am not okay with it.  I hate to admit but it's hard to see Parker's siblings with their normal kids. It's difficult knowing that will never be Ryker. He will always be special and always need something. Hospitals will always be our norm even if his breathing does get better. There will be something else. He has a syndrome that will prevent him from being normal.

All the emotions from last year have been flooding my mind the last couple of weeks. This isn't how my life is suppose to be and it's hard to accept it sometimes. I just keep going because that's what you do. I love Ryker but I hate his syndrome. I have to do my best to make the most out of our situation. This is what is meant to be.  Most of the time I feel like I can't be the mom that Ryker needs. I am just Jessica Julian. The crazy red head who got into trouble, played softball, and stayed out all night. How can I do this, but some how it just gets done. I have the strength everyday to get it done. Most of the time I know that strength doesn't come from me.

There are often times when I feel like no one understands what's it like being a parent of a kid with special needs until you have a kid with special needs. Not grandparents or uncles, aunts, no one unless you are the parent. It's hard to fit in sometimes. Normal families have normal problems. Everyday family situations, but parents with kids with special needs it's different. Life is different. Experiences are different. Being a home body  is sometime the safe way out and easier way of life. It's hard to know where your place is. I don't know where I fit now. Family functions are different. I don't fit there most of the time.  Family tries to understand and most of the time pretend to get it, but I know deep down they don't. Normal families with my abnormal life makes it hard to mesh together. I like living in my own bubble. My own world because that is normal for me until I get out and realize what is normal. It's hard to accept that's why staying home is better because that is where I fit that's where I feel comfortable.

I know it's good for me to get out and have a normal life, but who needs normal when you have Ryker Delano Allen. His normal is my normal. I just accept it. Sometimes I don't like it, but I accept it.

Happy Birthday Ryker!!

I can't believe how fast this year has gone by. The past couple of weeks I have been thinking of all the blessings a miracles that have happened and I am overwhelmed by the love my Heavenly Father has for me. Wow! My son has changed my life so much. Each day I love him more and remember that he is my miracle. He is here for a reason. Heavenly Father needs him here to teach me patience, unconditional love and hope. I have gained more faith and trust this past year then I ever thought I would. I have even noticed that  my prayers have been more meaningful and powerful because of Ryker. This last surgery I thought I would be disappointed not coming home off of oxygen, but I feel comfort. I know Heavenly Father blessed him to come home in only two days. I felt he was suppose to go home off oxygen, but I know he will soon. I have no more fears. I know things will go up from here.  This last year has made me pull my hair our, cry, feel more love for someone, strengthened my marriage, and gave me life experience. Its one of the hardest years of my life. Without my husband, I succeed through the Nicu experience. Fighting with doctors and advocating for my son has been a challenge, but worth it. I can't believe how much it took out of me. Sometimes I feel like I am just treading water. I am so ready to just swim. Just get out of what I am in and move forward. Heavenly Father prepares us for things in ways we don't even realize until after the fact. He has done it to me my whole life. I keep playing the events from last year over and over in my head and wow!!! Miracles are everywhere. They really do happen!  Happy Birthday Ryker. You are Mama's Miracle son!

The more stuff we find out about Ryker and his chromosome disability the more I realize how much of a miracle Ryker is. Everything wrong with him has to do with his chromosome disability, but Heavenly Father finds ways to make those challenges a miracle in Ryker's life. 

 I can't believe one year ago I was being life flighted to Utah, the state that I never wanted to go back to, to find out my baby boy was going to be born three months early. In a terrifying c section with only my sister there to support me. Being ripped from my comfort zone in Idaho without saying goodbye to those I care about was hard, but seeing my little man in critical condition was extremely hard. Terrified, stressed, and not knowing what was going to happened was only some of the feelings.  Finding out of Ryker's syndrome was a huge life changer.

When your baby is given a genetic diagnosis, you experience many emotions. Sadness – that your baby is never likely be “cured”; Guilt – was it something you did?; Anger – why you / them?; Denial – it can’t really be happening to you, can it? And fear – fear of a future which no longer looks so certain.

When your baby is given a genetic diagnosis of a rare chromosome disorder, you can add confusion and bewilderment to that list. Because nobody, not even the genetics doctors, know what exactly to predict. Nobody really knows what a baby with a rare genetic diagnosis is capable of achieving, or what challenges they may need to overcome.  But with all those fears and feels I have felt comfort and love! Miracles Miracles Miracles!!

It's been a love/hate experience. Tears, fears, love, happiness, joy, stress, and lots of struggles have been my year, but now it's over. Ryker is one! We made it one year!  We can keep fighting this fight. My son is so strong and doesn't want to give up. He is stubborn and willing to keep going. He wants to be here and is willing to push through the pain and struggles every trail that is thrown at him. 

Once again my sunshine. Happy Birthday! I love you with all my heart!

 Julian Family Birthday Party! Monster Cakes!!

 Ryker's cake was jello and cool whip. He hated it! Ha Ha

Homeward Bound!!!

Well we have been moved from the Picu to the floor. That is a huge step in the right direction. Makes me a little nervous because Ryker is doing so well. This is not a norm for us. We are only use to disappointments and mishaps. This time I have felt comfort and calm during this stay. I know this is the miracle we have all been praying for. I am so happy and blessed to see a miracle once again in my life. Heavenly Father truly wants this kid here. He has big plans for him.  I feel a little disappointed he won't be going home off of oxygen, but they are talking about sending us home after two days. Crazy! this has not happened to us before. I am very nervous that we take him home and we will be coming back in a couple of days. Praying once again Ryker will still be the Rock Star he always has been. Love you little buddy.

We are going home! I can't believe it. Two days in the hospital and we are off to home. He is really sore and in a lot of pain. We will be home bound for a while, but he is doing great. Things are looking wonderful. His little man parts are really painful looking. I hate having to change his diaper. But give it a couple of weeks and things will only improve. I know Heavens Angels are with him. He is always smiling at no one. Grandma and Grandpa Julian must be near. They are definitely looking out for my son.

One more change in the PJ Adventure! Surgery Day!

Ryker is almost one. I can't believe it!!! As I sit here waiting for Ryker to be done with surgery I ponder on all the crazy experiences we have sores through this year. I feel like we have been treading water for a year and I am surprised we haven't drowned yet. I am exhausted, stressed, emotionally drained, and ready for a vacation from Doctors and this syndrome. I believe I have experience every emotion a human can experience this last year. I know I have cried more the last 12 months then I have my whole life. It has changed me forever. Wow! I can't believe it's been a year. Ryker has been in surgery for almost 5 hours and I am terrified to see what is going to happen next. Is this going to be the miracle surgery I have been praying for? It this going to change our lives for ever? I have had impressions that last couple of weeks that it may be the miracle I have been looking for. He will come home off of oxygen. But is it my migination, or is Heavenly Father really answering my prayers. Time will tell.......

Surgery is finally over. All the doctors said that Ryker is doing fantastic. He does have his breathing tube in, but they are thinking about taking it out. Ryker is awake from surgery and wow! Can I just say he looks amazing!. He can see. He can Finally see me. I finally can have a connection with my child because he can see me. I almost teared up. I was so overwhelmed by all the emotions. Ryker is going great.

Hospital Norms and Ryker the Fighter

I have just realized how long it has been since I wrote on this blog. To be honest, it's been a crazy stressful life the last four months. I haven't really wanted to write about all the mishaps, depressing trials, and doctor fights. The last time I wrote was back in March. We were waiting for a swallow study, a sleep study, and surgery for little man's eyes. Well one was successful, one went horrible and one didn't happen. We also found a house that was trashed and neglected. Months of cleaning,
new flooring, New toilets, New paint. It was a mess trying to find contractors to finish everything in a timely manner. We had cat poop under the stairs that made the whole basement smell. New everything and finally it is looking like a house. It feels so amazing to finally have my own space and my own family under one roof.

Tears have overwhelmed my life the last four months. Once all was said and done we finally moved in on May 16. We still had many projects to do when we moved in, but we are finally to a point where my house looks put together and homely. During the fixing up process of our house, we had a little episode with Ryker getting sick in April. He got a cold virus that made it so he had to go to the hospital. Once again in the hospital they wanted to Trach our little man. I have been fighting the doctors and going with my mom intuition about that topic. I feel the spirit strongly not to do it. But every time we go to the hospital it comes up and I feel we are losing the battle. Well that particular time in the hospital Ryker was pretty sick. Trying to get to Primary Children's was a challenger itself. That night the President of the United States happened to come into town. They shut down the freeway and we couldn't make it to our end destination. We talked to a police officer who told us that the president doesn't care. I was very frustrated at the officer's response and attitude. The officer called an ambulance to take us to the hospital, but they wanted us to go to Davis hospital. Knowing we would just be transported to Primary's we decided to decline the ambulance and take the back roads. An hour and half  later, we showed up to the ER. In the ER, we were told Ryker had been retaining CO2 and his levels were so high they.were surprised he was still breathing. We were admitted and stayed for a week. They decided it was best to send him home on a bipap machine. Ryker liked it at first. He slept better and had more energy. He even stopped desating at night. His oxygen levels were riding at 100%.  Ryker started taking milk more by mouth because of the swallow study we did. We found he is successful when his formula is honey thick. Feedings were going well, sleeping was going well, and therapy was improving.

In June, everything changed. We were scheduled for a sleep study, but it didn't go well so we had to set another date. They fit us in on a Sunday. Ryker and I went to the sleep study hoping everything will go well, but during the night things changed for the worst. Ryker was desating into the 70's and wasn't coming out of it. We were admitted back into the hospital with low oxygen levels and high CO2. Frustrating!!! I think I cried more that time in the hospital then any other we had experienced. I felt lost! We tried the bipap and it hadn't been helping. I still felt we weren't suppose to trach him, but we now what? It might be the last resort. I fought more with the doctors then ever before. I get mad when they don't talk to each other and try to figure something out. Luckily, we had a very friendly and patience doctor, Dr. Crammar,  that finally listened to me. I told him all the symptoms and experiences we have had in the past. He decided to do a CT scan on his lungs. After crying and pleading to the Lord, they finally found something. Ryker was diagnosed with a hernia in his diaphragm. His spleen was up in his chest. Many of the doctors believe this is not what is causes his breathing problems. But I feel strongly that it is.  We are so grateful for following the spirit and the promptings of the Lord.

After thinking about all our hospital stays and all the problems Ryker has been having from a collasped lung in the Nicu to the problems of surgery in January. Also the retaining CO2 in April and June. Heavenly Father really has been watching out for our son. I believe that Heavenly Father made it so the Doctors couldn't see the Hernia when he was born because Ryker was too little and too weak to get the surgery. He may not have made it through if we found it earlier. All the hospital stays and disappointments have been for this one moment of relief. Ryker needed to be stronger, bigger, and be able to breath better. If he didn't get sick in April we would have had surgery in May for his eyes and testes, but he may have struggled more. He might not have got extubated. Everything happens for a reason.  It was all part of his plan and we just needed to struggle through it and learn from it. It's not what I had in mind of what Ryker's life would be like, but at least we have an answer. It's going to be hard to wait for this surgery. I don't think I will be a very patient mama, but I will try. Surgery is Scheduled for July 22. Prayers that everything will go the way I want it to go. Praying also that my way is the Lord's way as well. Praying for a miracle.

 April Hospital Visit....Not fun...Sick Ryker!!!
At least I got to have my favorite meal at Primary Children's. Mac and CHEESE!!!!

 June hospital stay!!! I sure do hate this hospital. Every time we go there something bad always happens! No more!