Last post for 2015! Let's look back!

I am turning over a new leaf for next year. My life, wow! I am finally accepting it. It's amazing right now. Heavenly Father has showed me that he always offers peace after the storm and the last year has been our blizzard storm. Parker and I have talked about how hard this year has been, not only individually, but for the entire family. Ryker has been a trooper, we have trudged through full force and it has been hard. To be honest, this last year has been the hardest trial and storm I have personally experienced. With my parents getting divorced, my grandparents dying, teachings, and all the crazy things we have gone through being married, this has trumped all of them. But thinking back, those trails made it easier for me to push through this last year. I wouldn't want to go through it again, but if it came to it I know I could make it again. Idaho was our trial to grow as a couple and to improve our marriage. We grew together and without that experience we probably wouldn't have been strong enough to make it. We got thrown into the games with a strong front because of the experiences in Idaho. We worked together to become stronger. It was not easy and we almost gave up, but we made it. Our life is better for it. Heavenly Father sure does know what we can and can't take. He was preparing us for Ryker. Together and Individually. Our family needed to be strong and our marriage needed to be strong to take on all Ryker's challenges. The money challenges in Rexburg made us realized we needed to be prepared better for the future, which it paid off in the end. When we needed family in Idaho, we realized we had it with our ward family. That ward really showed us how a ward is suppose to be, They were amazing at helping others carry their burdens and love each other not matter what. Here we needed our actually family for this last year trails. It was always nice to have someone to talk to and cry to when times were tough. Our family relationships has become stronger and hearts have changed making our family stronger. I have also realized over that past couple of months is that Parker is the perfect dad for Ryker. He is not judgemental and he just is so patient toward him. He doesn't see all his problems, he just loves him for who he is. I love Parker for that. So fathers could take it hard and that would have made it harder on me. I took longer to accept the fact that Ryker will always be special needs, Parker on the other hand accepted it quickly and moved on fast. It was inspiring and impressing. I need to be more accepting of hard things. He is a great example of that. Ryker has made a huge difference in our family and our extended families. He has been an answer to a lot of our family dramas. Hearts have really become softer and love has been show more this last year.

The last couple of weeks of this year have been memorable. We have had many Christmas parties with families. See everyone and realizing how much change that has happened the last 12 months has been incredible. We partied at the Meyers' house right before Christmas. Unfortunately Ryker and Parker were both sick so I attended with Tanner and his kids. This last sickness for Ryker has been an eye opener. I am realizing he is just a kid now, not a medically depend special needs child. I don't worry about him being sick anymore. I know he will be okay and it doesn't stress me out like it use to. We went to the new Star Wars movie with Colby and Susan. It was nice to see friends this past couple of weeks. I really feel like our lives are starting to become normal again. Thanks goodness, it has been a long time coming. We also have many sleepovers at Clyde and Sheila's house. It's been great to have Ryker bond with his grandparents. He is recognizing faces and people so he will have a lasting relationship with them. Christmas was memorable. We partied at our house this year. We started a new tradition of playing games and winning prizes. It was fun to have everyone together. Also, Jeromy has been hanging out at our house this past week. I love it when he stays here. I have found a deep appreciation for him. He is a great big brother and I look up to him so much. He is just trying to be a great future dad. I have seen so much change in him this past year and our relationship has improved to much in the last couple of months. He is truly one of my best friends and I hope it continues. We also have some fun coming up in the next couple of day. Parting again with the Allen family for new years and we also have Great Grandma's party on the 2nd of January. But I guess you will have to wait for that update in 2016.

Thinking about all that has happened this year, we have come so far, Last year at this time, Ryker was strictly fed through a tube. He struggled hard to breath. Ryker was so fragile and small. We worried and stressed about his often, not just only 12 months later he has his gtube gone, he is breathing on his own without oxygen, and he is growing to the point that the doctors said he is too fat and needs to go on a diet. lol. Ryker's life is great which makes all our lives less stressful and more full of appreciation. We are hoping life will be not so stressful and full of life. We will be taking our first family vacation out of Utah next year so hopefully that will be successful. The PJs adventure is pushing forward and we look forward to what it will be next year. Thanks for following this year!

Winter is Finally Here!

Well this has been a very exciting weekend for us Allen's. We got to have our traditional Allen Family Christmas Party at Grandma Sheila's house. It was so much fun gathering together to make Gingerbread houses, eat yummy food, and watching Christmas shows together. I was feeling very blessed, loved and appreciated for all that has done for our beautiful family. Christmas Season always makes you realize how blessed and lucky you are. It makes you appreciate all you have and the family around you. It is nice to be here, even though I have no been so appreciative of it pretty much all year. But during Christmas time and the holidays it makes you love and appreciate your family. I love this time of year! I am realizing that living here we can spend sometime with family and have Ryker get to know his Aunts, Uncles, and grandparents. He needs it. Sheila does such a great job making Christmas time special. She always makes Christmas so special and very memorable. I feel like she out does herself every year I truly appreciate all her sentimental amazingness and willingness to love everyone. It inspires me to be better. She makes the holidays special and I look forward to it each year. We have great traditions coming together in our family. We are going to starting living up all the winter fun activities that are around. Christmas lights, parties, Christmas movies, hot coco, etc. We are going to start our traditions this year now that Ryker is starting to become aware of everything. Well the traditions Sheila has started for our grandma fun are pretty exciting and I know Ryker will love them once he understands all of the magic of Christmas. Ryker got this Minon that sings baby lullabies and he loves it. We use it every night now. ha. Great gift.  Sheila really made it a special Christmas this year.

We woke up to 9 inches of snow this morning. It really is a winter wonderland outside. It makes Christmas more magical. I think Snow is magic because you look outside and everything is colorful yet all the leaves are starting to die. But snow makes it sparkle. It's like it takes all the crazy colors and makes them a clean slate and it's like starting a new painting. Reminds me of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. It's like making a clean canvas and making the painting all over again.  It was pretty amazing to see everything so clean and white. Another reminder of why we celebrate this Christmas season. The Savior is our world, our life, and our meaning. Every time I see the purity of fresh white snow it reminds me of all the blessing and miracles the Savior has done for me. It's perfect to think of how Heavenly Father created something so pure for us to remember our Savior.  I hope we all can remember his amazing miracle and gift he gave us all year around and not just for Christmas. Check out this video it really puts this gift into perspective.

Our Year Summed up in a little book

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Christmas is Just Around the Corner

It's been almost a month since my last post. I have been pretty busy the last couple of weeks with school and yard work. This semester for school has been a challenge. I have loved my class this time around, but it really has stretched my thinking. I have had to do some much thinking and reflecting on my life. This course has changed my future plans for my career, if I ever get to take my career to the next level. Ryker is my major priority right now.  But I can finally say all my weeds are pulled and my leaves are raked. It was a very hard back breaking process, but I give it permission to snow now. It would be nice to get snow for Christmas. Speaking of Christmas, this year I have been so excited about the holidays. I had fun making wreaths and garlands for my house decor and it's been two years since I put up a Christmas tree. To be honest with all the crazy trails that have been thrown at us this year, I have finally can breath again. The happiness Parker and I found in Idaho, we finally have it hear. Ryker is doing well, we finally can breath with medical bills paid for, and I hate to admit it, but we are getting closer to family. I haven't been this happy for such a long time. I am a different person these days.

Ryker has improved so much the last couple of months. He did just get foot braces. They will help his little chubby ankles stabilize his knees so he can stand properly. So far he doesn't mind them. He also got big boy toddler glasses. Oh my little Ryks looks so cute in his glasses. We had an appointment with the eye doc. We were told that Ryker's vision has improved so much. He is loving the fact that he can see things and pay attention to your face. He suggested one more eye muscle surgery. The date is set for February 12th. Hopefully it goes well. Surgery is always a stressful thing, but honestly I am not worried about it. Ryker proved to me that he can handle it. He is a fighter and he fights everyday and makes his mama proud!  The doc said that if everything goes well, Ryker may not need glasses or if he does he will have a different prescription. Thankful hearts are in the Allen home these days.

Thanksgiving was a great day. We spend the week at the parents house so Ryker could spend sometime with his grandparents. It's been really fun having Ryker get to know them and share time with them. It also has been nice to have a baby that is not medically dependent. We can actually do things as a family and enjoy doing things together. We will be spending Christmas with them here at our house. I admit it is nice to have family around so Ryker can get to know them. We went to a Christmas Party for kids with special needs. We brought the parents with us. It was nice because I actually felt like we fit there. That is where we are suppose to be. It was an eye opener. I do think we will be doing more activities like that more often. It will not only help me develop lasting friendships, but when Ryker is older he can get friends that are like him. Special!

I got to do service at the bishops store house a couple of weeks ago. It was an interesting experience. It actually took me back to when my family got food from the church. Many years we had to do service at the store house. I never had the chance and I am not sure why. I guess my parents must have done it or maybe it just didn't get done. But I am grateful for the storehouse. Heavenly Father really blessed my family when I was younger. I didn't realize how poor we were until later in life. My parents were really good at hiding it. I hope my kids don't have to experience what I had to experience, but if they do I know we will all love each other and be blessed for it.

Once again I am humbled with my life situations and the trails I have gone through. As much as I believe what I have been through I remember things could always be worse and I will always get through the trials. This week in Relief Society we talked about trials and relying on God. It's been one of those years where I have needed him the most. I just remember we all need him. We all go through things that makes us stronger and have more faith. You know I feel like Heavenly Father is allowing more and more trials in our lives because life is getting harder. He needs us to have more faith and be more diligent I can't wait for another year of greatness. Heaven is not far. The last couple of weeks I have been pondering on all the families we knew that have lost a baby. I have often think that could have been us last year. We could have been without Ryker for this Christmas, but Heaven Father had a different plan. I am truly blessed and grateful he had a different plan for us.

These Pictures are Family Photo for 2015! My little guy has changed so much! What a happy little man he is!

We have come a long ways in a year! This is our family Pictures from Last December! Ryker's First Christmas!

Miracles and more miracles

The past 16 months has proven that God provides miracles for those that have faith and are diligent in that faith. Ryker is my proof of miracles really happening. We have been told by many that Ryker shouldn't be here with us and he for sure shouldn't be doing as well as he has been doing. From now on, no matter how often or how much I doubt, I will always remember my miracle baby. God loves us and he is really here wanting to bless us.

As a missionary I was sitting on a bus reading the book of Mormon in English. There was a man that came up to me looking like he was homeless, dirty, and drug. He asked me about the book. He said he knew that that book would change his life and he needed one. The only book I had in english was mine, the one I was reading. So with faith I gave it to him. Three months later, the elders brought him to church. I didn't recognize him. He was dressed in a nice suit and all cleaned up. He came up to me and said your book changed my life. The greatest thing about this story is he name was Blessing. Through that faith brings blessings!. All of this year, I have been thinking about this story. It gave me hope for our situation. Now our situation is finally the blessing! Trials makes you stronger and if you fight through them, you will see miracles in your life.

Back in July at the temple, I had an impression that the surgery Ryker was going to have was going to answer all the questions. He was going to get off oxygen and his health would improve. When it didn't happen right away or right after surgery I was a little disappointed. I was starting to doubt my inspiration, but this week the inspiration that I had came true. Ryker is off of oxygen. He is doing all the things that I hoped he would with his health. We have seen the heart doc, the lung doc, and ENT. ENT didn't find a hole in his soft palate, so no surgery for that. All of them have said they are amazed with his improvement. We don't have to see any more doctors for a year. It puts things into perspective! We could potentially move out of Utah, not now, but someday. That's bonus. Ryker has changed my life!

Well this week we also found out that Ryker will be needing more brace supports. So not only does he use his hand braces and neck brace, he will also need foot and ankle ones. We were told he will possibly need to have surgery on his legs and feet. Probably not for a while, but surgery will be in his future. All in all, Ryker is doing so well. He looks so different without oxygen. He is getting new glasses and without his oxygen he looks like a little toddler. So cute!  Today he enjoyed Aladdin the movie. He watched the whole thing without fuss. Guess he liked the colors or something. It was pretty cute actually. Life is going how it's suppose to. I am loving it. I can't wait for the holidays and I am super excited to decorate for Christmas. So folks don't be judging if you see my house decked out for Christmas this week.

The PJs Adventure moving forward

It's been awhile since I wrote. It's not because I have been busy or things have been stressful. For once in this last year I have been able to be lazy. ha ha. Things have been great. We are finally feeling comfortable to venture out of our house with little man. It's actually been nice being about to trust his health enough to have a little family fun outside our house. For Halloween, we went down to Clyde and Sheila's house for the weekend. It was a little vacation because Grandma Sheila was willing and great in taking care of Ryks. I could actually enjoy having fun without worrying about him. It's been a long time coming. It's November and I often think about last year's events. This was the month Ryks got to come home. It was a great feeling being able to take him home, but we had so many other crazy things happen between then and now. I am just grateful Heavenly Father prepared me and gave me the strength to get through this last year. It's made me a better person and has given me more hope and faith in our creator. My patience has been tested and my love for the savior has grown. All in one year I have learned so much about my Heavenly Father and my savior. They have been my rock. They have been the ones I have leaned on. I am truly grateful for the miracles and blessings our little family has seen this past year. It's going to be a huge foundation of my testimony for the rest of my life.

Well Halloween was wonderful. We got to dress up and go trick or treating for the first time. Ryker wasn't sure what to do. He did like picking out the shiny wrappers at each house. We all dressed up as a monster from Monsters University. It was so much fun seeing Ryker spend sometime with his Grandparents. He hasn't really been about to do that with us staying home all the time. An acquaintance of ours brought  home her little 26 week baby after spending 4 months in the NICU so we got to see them. It was thinking, WOW! I can't believe that was us last year. It was crazy! He was so cute and so little! The oxygen tube was covering his entire face just like Ryker. I am so glad we are not at that point anymore.

Ryker's health has improved once again. He had a sleep study. The respiratory therapist that we had from the sleep study in June was the same one. I was made at her back in June because she was the one that sent us to the hospital. She told Parker that she just felt like something was wrong and she needed to send him. Well I apologized to her. She was following the spirit. Well the study went really well. We found out that he can go down on his oxygen requirements at night and during the day. Right now he has gone down from 3 liters of oxygen at night to 3/4 liters. During the day is tons better as well. He has gone from 1/2 to 1/32 which is the last notch on the oxygen tank. Incredible. I didn't think we would ever get to this point. I am so glad I followed my mom instinct and didn't allow the doctors to trach my little man. The surgery for his hernia has really proven to be the answer to our prayers. I am feeling nervous that at our next appointment the doctors will take away the oxygen completely during the day. Exciting, but scary as well. We will really need to be careful that he won't get sick. We will for sure have to go to the hospital. Praying for a good winter cold and flu season. No sickness at our house.

Physical therapy and occupational therapy have been very helpful the last couple of weeks. We found out that Ryker has a processing delay in his brain. Which is normal for his syndrome. It's a little crazy because I keep thinking Ryker is a just a normal baby that was born premature, but then news like this reminds me that he has a syndrome. But we can do this. We also found out that he has scoliosis in his back. Which is a curve on his spine. We will be doing stretching and positioning therapy to help it, but when he gets older he will most likely have to have a rod put in his back. We will see. I am not to worried about it right now. Ryker doesn't have to get a helmet. Thank goodness for that! Yes his head is a little misshapen, but it has improved. Plus our insurance won't pay for it anyway. So one less thing we have to worry about. Ryks has another swallow study and passed with nectar thick liquids. We were told he has a small hole in his soft palate making the liquid go straight up his nose. Most likely we will be doing surgery for that in January. I will be taking him to the ENT next week for a consultation about this problem. I will keep you updated. All these new developments are small compared to what we have gone through this past year, so piece of cake right!

Things are going the way they are suppose to. I am still not sure what our purpose is here in Clearfield. I am still trying to figure out what Heavenly Father wants of us here in Utah, but finally we have breathing room. And less stress in our little family.

The Currant Bush of my Life

In Sunday school, we were taught about a talk given by Elder Hugh Brown. It was a story of a gardener and a currant bush. Here is the video from mormon messages.

This talk hit me hard! All the complaining, misshapen, trials, disappointments, tears, frustrations, that currant bush story has been my life for the last year!!! I have often said, "how could you do this me?' Everything that could have gone wrong has gone wrong, but Heavnly Father is the gardener. He knows what he wants my life to be. It is better then what I want my life to be. All the trials given to us are for a reason. One day I will find out all the reasons behind to all the crazy life stress from this last year.

I have been so focused on how I hate Utah. I have felt like suffocating from everything that has happened here in Utah. I have had choice words with my Heavenly Father. He knows my feelings, fears, and frustration with this place.  He is the one who is going to push me to become better. I have these trials to improve, become better, and make me more like Christ. I am grateful for the trials even though they are hard. I will thank God every day for them. Here is another video that hit me as I pondered on my trials and what I have learned from them. I know I have become stronger. I have more patience, more fight, and more determination to do the will of God.

Ryker is finally experiencing firsts!!!

Well this week has been an eventful one of first for Ryker. We went camping with the Allen fam and four wheeling. Surprisingly, it went really well. I couldn't believe it. I was preparing for the worse, but it turned out to be fun. Ryker even took good naps while we were in the hot sun. Pretty amazing! Parker and I also took a little trip to Park City. It was Ryker's first over night sleepover with out mommy and daddy. It was a little more nerve racking for me then for him. He did great! Lastly, we enjoyed a REAL Salt Lake soccer game last night. Ryker absolutely loved it! All the lights and the drums banging. It was pretty funny. He was looking around everywhere trying to figure stuff out. Once again my little man proved me wrong. I was afraid it would have been too noisy for him, but I guess he is just getting use to the soccer excitement noise so he can be on the team when he grows up. Ha jk.

I love this season! Fall is becoming so cool and full of colors. I sure love Utah Falls with all the trees and the colors in the mountains. We were driving through Spanish Fork Canyon to get to our camp site and all I could think about was all those camping trips with grandma and grandpa Julian. We had so many places we went camping and so many spots to go deer hunting. I was missing them as we were driving through those precious mountains. I sure do miss them. I wish they could have met my little miracle man. I know Grandpa would have gave him some snuggles and his amazing grandpa advice. Well I guess I will just have to wait for the remarkable reunion in heaven. That will be something to look forward to.

So the past couple of weeks Ryker has been excelling in all his therapy goals. He is eating solid foods two to three times a day. He is actually getting his Gtube out pretty soon. We have a swallow study coming up soon to give a the Okay to take the tube out. I am pretty confident it will happen. He is working on rolling still. He just isn't motivated enough to get over onto his tummy. We are also working on sitting. He almost has it. It's pretty frustrating for him because he has his tortacolis and we found out that he is starting to develop scoliosis.  So he isn't a very happy baby during physical therapy. Which is frustrating for me. We are also working on standing up. Ryker is struggling with putting weight in his legs. He is pretty stubborn like me. He cries and cries during therapy. Which sucks because I feel like I am torturing him all the time. Frustrating!

The other day at therapy I saw a boy who was hooked up to a vent and was trached. I was thinking how lucky we are to not have that going on with Ryker. Parents of kids like that are so amazing to me. I can barely handle all the crazy business that goes on with my son. They are going to be more blessed in Heaven. I just have a small struggle with my boy, but it could be so much worse. Those parents are the blessed ones. In their eyes, my son is normal. It really opened my eyes to how much more of a blessing Ryker is in our lives. Well here is a little treat for you all. Ryker is practicing his Zombie growling for Halloween!!!

Ryker's First Real Salt lake Game! He really liked the Lights.

I am loving my life

Today was a pretty crazy day. I was awaken again by a screaming baby at three in the morning. With frustration and exhaustion this morning I was ready to scream and yell at my son for waking me up again early in the morning. I am pretty grumpy when I wake up without enough sleep. Well finally after three hours Ryker fell asleep but unfortunately he couldn't long because we had an appointment bright and early. He was so tired at therapy we didn't get anything done. He cried and cried for an hour. More frustration hit me. Luckily, we had another appointment I. Salt lake but we had to wait for about an hour and half for it. We decided to go to temple square and hang there until the appointment. We walked around the visitors center and I didn't notice until today how many looks Ryker gets from all sorts of people. We even have people from random places come and talk to us to find out our story. Spotlighting words from strangers and people actually seeing Ryker for who he is amazes me. I was looking at the statue of Christ and I felt Ryker is a choice spirit. One person even said he felt that Ryker had a purpose here with a sweet spirit. I was told he was special by someone I didn't even know. Wow! If a stranger can see that, then I need to appreciate it more. Ryker has a special spirit and is already touching hearts!

staying positive is hard work

I was awaken by a very sad baby this morning at 3:00. He was screaming pretty loud for Ryker's and I couldn't get him to stop. Not sure what startled, but he was a very unhappy baby. Which made mamma bear come out because I was exhausted! I didn't have patience for it last night. Well driving to Ryker's appointment to day, I was listening Ti the talk radio and they had a topic of those people who have been given a rough trial, but are still positive with there life. You know I believe myself to be positive, but with Ryker sometimes well most of the time I am not. Listening To all the amazing stories, it made me realize I can do so much more. So today folks is the day that my negative attitude changes. I am going to love life and live it up! No matter how many more Ryker's challenges we have. It pretty crazy because I am so use to things going horrible with Ryker's health that is terrifies me when things go right. Kinda silly I know. Anyway well my words of wisdom for today stay positive, have courage, and love life.

Ryker is impressing his mama!

This week has been a great learning week for me. Ryker has been sick and every time he is sick I freak out. You see the old Ryker always ended up in the hospital. And there we would find more problems and worry about other things doctors would find. Hospital stress is something I hate dealing with and it has been our norm for the last year. To be honest, I didn't believe we would ever see anything different. But my little Ryker man once again proved me wrong. He has been sick, but holding his oxygen and playing like a normal baby. We went to the doctor and that is exactly what I was told. His symptoms are just like a normal kid. Something I don't need to worry about. It was a huge relief to hear that. I have been stressing all week.  Heavenly Father is showing me that Ryker is changing and miracles do happen. I just need to remember all the promises that have been placed upon my son.

We had an ultrasound for his little head. Found out he has the same amount of fluid as he did before when he was in the nicu so everything is normal for Ryker. Thank goodness!  One more miracle going for little man. We also saw pulmonary. It was a new doctor and I really liked him a whole lot! I have heard so many good things about him so I am glad we get him now. The funny thing is that he has heard lots of stories of my little man and his strong headed mother. I guess Ryker is the talk of the hospital with our little show down back in June. With my fighting for him and the doctors finally listening. Everyone has heard about us. Pretty funny. The doctor was like "It's nice to put a face to the stories I have heard about you two." I felt a little honored that people are talking about Ryker and I. I am a proud mama who knows what's best for her little boy. Well he basically said we are on the right track of getting off oxygen. He didn't want to change anything because Ryker has been sick. But we do have another sleep study in four weeks.

This week in therapy we got to try some solids. Ryker has some big goals this week. He is suppose to take everything by mouth and we are not allowed to use the pump anymore. Makes me nervous because it's the last step of getting the tube out. I am scared to see what the GI doc is going to say about the gtube. He is doing fantastic with eating and if you look at his grow chart you will be able to tell he loves to eat. He is chunky, has grown two inches, and two pounds in the last two months. Breathing better does wonders for everything else. He is finally in 6-9 month clothes! And still growing out of those. I am sure proud of my little miracle fighter,

Adrianne is our Favorite therapist!!! Ryker has a special connection with her. She has gotten him to do wonderful thing over the past seven months! We love her!

Ryker is sick once again!

I often ask myself why keep going? What's the point? Why haven't you lost faith? Ryker's isn't off of oyxgen. He still needs the bipap. He is always going to have one complication after another. He will never be normal. Why keep going? Why? To be honest I don't know why I keep going. Deep down I know there isn't anything else to do other then to have faith and pray Ryker's life will be better then what it has been. I do know for a fact that I can't do this the rest of my life. I have put a brave face on for my son for the past 13 months. He needs his mommy, but I don't know how much long I can take it. Watching him struggle to breath over a simple cold that me and you get all the time is really unsettling. I have been struggling with the idea of taking him back to the hospital. I know what they would do for him there. We have all medical necessities they have here at home so I know it won't do much other then give me a break from being doctor, nurse, respiratory therapist, and all the other hats I wear throughout the day. I wish people would understand how a simple cold virus could be seriously hospitalizing for Ryker. Casual visits with a sore throat, cough, or any sick symptom can be catastrophic for my son. I tell people over an over no visits with symptoms, but people think well it's allergies, or I am almost over it. Well I only have a small cough. I am not as sick as I was. People! Ryker's immune system sucks! It's frustrating. I know I can't keep him in a bubble. I know I can't stay in a bubble, but I can't do sick Ryker anymore. It's emotional, physically, and mentally draining. Needless to say I feel like I am lossing faith, but deep down I know that's all I have. Ryker's needs me and I won't give up as much as I want to. It's been a rough day. Prayers for little man to get better.

Adventure week!

This week has been an adventure. Ryker and I have gone places! not doctors or therapist, but actual places to see actual people for fun! Crazy huh. I didn't think that would even come. We took a train ride (the frontrunner) for the first time on Friday to go hang out with my family at Jeromy's place. It brought back memories of riding the train all the time as a missionary. It was great! I even met a really nice lady. We talked for a good 25 minutes while waiting to get to our destination. Once getting to Jeromy's house we played video games and talked about life. Jeromy unfortunately is getting a divorce. I am sad that he has to go through this, but I am excited that he is going to be a father. I sure hope Kathy will let us all see the baby often. I am still the aunt and I sure want to get to know this little one on the way. Sadie, Josh, and Mom came up for the evening. It was really nice to hang out with all of them.

On Saturday, Ryker and I took a little vacation up to Idaho. Parker wanted to stay behind. I don't think he feels like it's the same Idaho. He just wants to remember the old one like we loved it. Well driving to Idaho and entering Idaho Falls he was right. It didn't feel like home anymore. It made me sad because every time we drove back to Idaho Falls from Utah I always had the feeling of home finally. And it's not like that anymore. I love Idaho Falls. I truly miss it! It has a special meaning in my heart. We had to overcome so much in Idaho and we grow up a lot together. We had ups and downs there, but I will always be thankful for the time we had there. We needed to be there and we learned from that experience.

None the less, we had a good time. I got to say good bye to everyone. Well mostly everyone. Our old ward split and we are in a new building so I didn't see everyone. There was a homecoming for one of the young men while I was there. I even took a little trip to Ammon Elementary. I was really nice to say good bye to Ammon once again and see all the kids and teachers. It was also nice to introduce Ryker to everyone. A part of me misses that school, but also I am so glad I am not there anymore. It is a good change. I joked  before I left Ammon that it would be nice to only be in charge of one kid, well Ryker is like more then one. More like 30 kids with all his medical problems. Ha it was a good time.

Idaho Falls has changed so much. There is a Hobby Lobby, a Cabelas, and a Reed's Dairy all by my old school. It's crazy!. The unfortunate thing is that it's growing. More and more people are starting to move there. Sad! I want my little Idaho Falls back. Well in my memories and heart it will always be my little Idaho Falls.

We even ventured to my Mom's house this last week. We hung out with Grandma and Sadie. It was nice to have some girl time. Now that Tami isn't around anymore I need someone to hang out with. Sadie is the perfect one! I just love her to death. She is so sweet and sincere about everyone and everything. I need to do more girl nights with her and get to know her better. I joke with her that she is a better daughter to my mom. She is always there for her and willing to help her out. It is nice to know someone is there to take care of her. Sadie is such a great example to me! love her to death!

While I was at my mom's house I got my hair cut. I got about 8 inches cut off. It's really different now. I like it, but I can't do all my cute braids like I use to. I really  needed the hair cut. I haven't had it cut in like a year so I had lots of split ends. Soon enough it will grow back to the long length, until then I will have to come up with new hair styles.

School started this week. I don't know if I am ready for it to start again. Homework is going to kill me this semester. It's a different type of class then I am use to. It's going to be a hard class I believe. Hopefully I can get through it with a good grade. The bonus is that Ryker isn't in the hospital this time. Knock on wood. I hope we don't have ti spend time in the hospital for a while. Prayers always in that area. But he had truly been blessed.

Ryker has had lots of appointments since the last time I wrote. He caught a  cold virus this last week. Now I am sick so it hasn't been fun. I guess it's time to tell the kids they can't come over anymore. School in session and virus. Not a good mix for sick kids and Ryker. Sometime I think people just don't understand how serious it is when Ryker gets sick. If we didn't have the bipap and oxygen we would be in the hospital more often when he gets sick. So don't be surprised if there is a sign that says no little or sick humans allowed. We just want Ryker to get over all this bad luck!

We also found out that Ryker has some fluid on his brain so we are doing another Ultrasound next week. We will also be talking to a neuro surgeon. Hopefully not another surgery. Ryker also got his one year old shots and a flu shot. I believe him being sick already those shots made it worse. Hopefully we can get over this in the next couple of days.

We have had some financial situations this last week. Two of Ryker's hospital stays the insurance doesn't want to approve them. One of them was from the Nicu back in November of last year when the Doctor messed up his esophagus. So if the insurance doesn't pay for those stays we might have to take matters into our own hands. Praying things will work out!  We also are having trouble with our car. Problems that are going on with it are costly. We have a warranty that the dealership doesn't want to honor it because it was previously wrecked. I am hoping Parker can fix these problems. He always tells me He can fix anything. I love my husband! He always tells me that the big problems are his problems and not to worry about them. He is always right. Some how he always makes them work out. He is my Hero!!!

This last FHE we played a dance game as a family. We haven't had that much fun in a long time!  I surely do love my family. It's nice to have our own space and own problems. Well enough of this crazy entry. I will inspire you all again next week!!!

This is how long my hair was before I cut it!!!! WOW!!!!

Train Ride to Salt Lake. Ryker loved the view!!!!

Hey look our Idaho House has grass now!!! I wish I would have done that!

Hanging with our Idaho Buddies was a lot of fun! Ryker really enjoyed the adventure!

Ryker's first date! He sure did love meeting new babies this trip!

Idaho Falls Luxury!! I sure do miss this yummy chocolate milk and their amazing ice cream! 

Utah! Well still not my favorite BUT....

This has been an eventful week. As much as I hate Utah, traffic is the worst, I am liking the fact that I live so close to my siblings and old friends. I have been video gaming it up the past weekend with my two brothers and sister in law. I never bonded with them until after we were all married so now it's nice to hang with them. They are pretty cool peeps. I didn't ever thing I would ever say that ha. I see them often now we schedule a monthly sometimes twice a month hangouts.

We even hung out with Colby and Susan Hadlock. We haven't seen them in a very long time. It's was a good time on Saturday playing rock band and board games.

I also went to lunch with my former mission companion. It was nice to see her and hear her horror story of being pregnant. I felt like she could relate to what our little family has been dealing with.  She is having another baby and going forward with faith.  Thanks Melissa Wilde for being such a great example to me. I learn from you every time I talk to you.

Well little Ryker has figured out he can move from his tummy to his back. Still struggling with his head lifting. He has a major head tilt to the right side making it hard for him to roll and sit up. So the Physical Therapist has given us struck stretching instructions. Hopefully it will help. We were also informed today that little man needs a helmet to reshape his head. So I will be contacting the plastic surgeon tomorrow to set up an appointment. Just another doctor to see in Ryker's world.

Today we ventured down to see Grandma Julian. It is great Grandma Julian's birthday so we figured it would be nice to celebrate together in honor of her. I sure do miss my grandma. She was such a remarkable person. I wish I could spend one more day with her. I love her advice and how she was always so blunt. She was a great woman!

Well love you all. Thanks for reading and following. It's nice to see people still think I am interesting. Ha

family family and more family

It's been a crazy week with my family. Jen and Godfrey made it to Boston. I really wish I could go and visit soonish. I think it would be an adventure to move there. They are so lucky to have that experience. I wish we didn't have to have this Utah experience and we could pack up and move somewhere else, but the Lord works in ways I just don't understand. I know we are suppose to be here with all the crazy business that is happening with both side of our families.

Every time I look at Tayla and Tyce I am grateful for the chance to be this close to them. I get to be the aunt I always wanted to be. I sure do love those kiddos. And my mom, I know I need to get her up here. She needs to spend time with her grandson. I don't know how long we have with her and I know I want her to be part of our family. Lastly, my two brothers. I missed the time I didn't get to hang with them when we lived in Idaho. Now I see them almost every week if not for sure monthly. Game nights, Halo, and junk food. I love bonding with them. I was also informed thAt my older brother is getting divorced. I feel for him, I want to help him and give his support in anyway I can.

It's been a busy week of family. Jeromy has been staying my house of and on this week. Which is awesome because I have someone to talk to during the day. Also, we get to play Halo all day long. Ha. I did do my weekly cleaning in Monday so my house is clean. I felt good about not doing anything all day. Lol.

I talked to Jen yesterday. I still can't believe she is gone. So crazy! I guess I need to vacation there
 I would love to see the big city. She is so close to everything. She is starting a vlog. I am excited because I get to see all the cool stuff there in Boston through Jen's eyes.

The latest adventure in the Allen Family was when we decided to walk to get frozen custard. The GPS said it was only 3.5 miles, but we took the wrong road and ended up walking 7.5 miles. Oops! Well needless to say after two popped tires in the stroller, tired bodies, no car and four hours later. I sacrificed my feet and walked the actual 3.5 miles back home to get the car. I went back to the ice cream place to get Parker, Marci, and Ryker. We were dead especially my feet. I couldn't even walk up the stairs the next day. Moral of the story is If you make a wrong turn it's not worth walking further for ice cream. Just go back home and take it as a sign that you don't need the extra calories. Ha!!!

One last story that made my week. On Thursday I told Jeromy how to get to the train station from our house. He made the wrong turn and ended up in Kaysville. (Guess it must be a Julian direction error) well he ended up with two popped so I went to rescue him. When I arrived to where he was I set my phone in top of the car. I forgot about it and started to drive away. Well at the first stop I got a cute old man came running up to my car with my phone in his hands. I was amazed! First I couldn't believe I left, second I was grateful that we still have honest people in this world. Once again a blessing and miracle in my life. If you keep looking, I promise you will find them in yours as well.

Now the big news on Ryker. I have a mobile rolling baby on my hand these days. He just doesn't want to stay put. I have a feeling the next couple of weeks are going to be a rude awakening. Ryker will be off oxygen, no tube, and mobile. Crazy!! He has gone down to 1/16 of oxygen during the day and 2 liters at night this week. Keep it up my little man!!! I truly am grateful for him. He is and always will be a foundation of my testimony of miracles and of the love of my Heavenly Father. Miracles happen!! Believe it!

Saying goodbye to Jen and Godfrey!

Well this has been a great weekend. First my amazing older brother Jeromy stayed with us on Friday. We played Video games until 4:30 in the morning. I haven't done that since I was in college. It was a great fun time. It was also nice to bond with him again. Living out of state makes it hard to get together with my brothers. So it is so nice to live so close now. Hopefully more Halo sleepover adventures int he future.

On Saturday we went to Jen and Godfrey's house in sugar house. We helped them pack up the last of their belongs so they could set off to Boston. It didn't hit me until we were leaving that Jen was actually leaving. I cried because we have become so close the last couple of years. Crazy huh. My mom always told us we would be best friends. Who would have thought she would have been right. She maybe old, but she does have some good things to learn from still. We all played card games fora while before it was time to depart. They are off for an adventure and I am slightly jealous. One day we will be able to do a huge move like that. We still have to wait for Ryker to become much more stable in his breathing.

Speaking of breathing, Ryker is doing a lot better. He is down to 1/8 of liter still, but taking it like the champ he is. We have tried to take it down more, but he just can't hold it just yet. We have him hooked up to the heart monitor most of the day just to make sure he is doing ok with an 1/8. He is doing great so far. We don't see the sleep doc again until September. I am a little nervous to see him. He is the one who says yes or no to the bipap and getting completely off of oxygen. Still praying, but I am so blessed to have seen the miracle surgery working already. Hopefully in a few more weeks we will see some more improvement.

Ryker is getting to the point now where he is taking the majority of his feeds through the bottle. He is eating about 5 ounces of formula each meal time. We are also introducing him to baby foods. He has tried pears, apples, bananas, and sweet potatoes. He seems to enjoy them. The goal now is to transition him off of night time feedings. Hopefully it turns out well. We don't see the dietitian for a couple more weeks, but we might be going up on calories and food intake. Ryker is at a big boy weight of 17.3lbs. I can't believe it! He is getting so big. Well here's to another great week of our Allen family adventure. Loves!

I just want to give a little shout out to my amazing sister in law. Sadie Julian is like the perfect daughter and an awesome sister! She is always so willing to help my mom. We have a running joke that she is out doing me and I need to step up my game. My mom and her are doing all the craft days that we never got to do because I lived in Idaho. She is amazing at being proactive in helping others out. I sure love her. I am so glad my brother married her. Great Choice Josh! It's only been a couple of month, but I already feel like we are sisters. You rock Sadie!!

 Ryker's First Time Eating Solid Foods. He wasn't sure what to do!!!

Marriage...It's a crazy thing

Marriage, it's a crazy thing don't you think. We are taught to sleep in our own rooms, be independent, live by ourselves, then when you meet someone you adore with all your heart and get marriage you have to adjust to everything you were ever taught before. 

My marriage has been amazing! I mean yes we are not perfect, we may have our own little Parker Jessica Arguments, but we sure do love each other. And this year is going to be our 7 year itch. I can't believe how much we have grown up together. We have become a team and have overcome some impossible challenges. But we are still making it work and still love each other stronger. 

I was asked one time how our marriage is going with this whole Ryker situation. I just laughed and said well Parker is always Parker. He doesn't care if Ryker is blue, black, orange, or special he will love him no matter what. Our marriage has grown stronger because of little Ryker. We have worked harder to become more of a team, a family, and advocates. We have shared tears, joy, relief, frustration, and extreme terror. But we just keep pushing through. We have each other.

If I didn't have Parker to go through this experience with me I don't know if I would be able to make it by myself. He is my rock and I need him everyday to be the mom I know I need to be. He is the man I want my children to be around because he is a perfect example of hard work and willingness to keep pushing forward not matter how hard a situation will be. Parker is always so positive even when I am a Debbie downer.  I love him. I found this amazing quote of Fathers with kids with special needs. It's Parker all the way, Check it out.....

When you become a parent, it changes you. But when your tiny, brand new baby is given a life-altering diagnosis that thrusts you into the world of special needs, it really changes you.

Some people change for the better and some change for the worse. Your relationship with your spouse can get stronger or it can fall apart. The first few years of this new life will reveal that change. Slowly but surely, you’ll see it developing. And in the end, many husbands and wives make it through the rocky path and learn to navigate this new life together and their relationship not only survives, but thrives.

When your relationship is strong and makes it through, the dad behind the diagnosis will become a different man. He’ll become someone that you will love exceedingly more. He’ll listen more and learn patience. He’ll see things in everyday life with new eyes. He’ll think more with his heart, rather than his brain. His eyes will well up with tears at the sight of your beautiful miracle child doing something ordinary that he or she was never “supposed” to do. All of these changes are due to your child who was born with special needs.

In these relationships, 98 percent of the time, the mother’s life revolves around the child with special needs. It is usually the momma who brings them to the doctor appointments and therapies. The momma packs her bag and stays by their side for hospital admissions. The momma will often leave her job to stay home and care for this precious child. It is usually the momma who keeps everyone abreast of the child’s health. It is the momma who openly expresses her feelings about living this wonderful, yet difficult life.

And it is the momma who is usually seen crying as she endures yet another blow of bad news from the doctor. From the outside looking in, it seems the momma carries most of the load of all that a special needs life has to offer. However, nothing could be further from the truth…

The dad in this picture is often overlooked. Most of the time, Dad is working. A lot. He finds himself at work wondering how his child’s day is going more often than not. Finances usually depend on his paycheck. If he isn’t working, he is taking care of the home front and other children, a duty just as important as any other.

Most of the time, his emotions are hidden by a strong face and he rarely lets those emotions loose, so he cries alone when no one is around. Most of the time, he wishes he was at those doctor appointments hearing the news straight from the doctor’s mouth because he wants to know everything just as much as his wife does. Most of the time, he is silent with his frustrations about this arduous life and he learns to deal differently. This is often why others forget about Dad, he plays a quiet but important role.

His heart aches for his child and his mind swirls with thoughts of what was supposed to be. He thinks of how he should be playing catch in the backyard with his son instead of lifting him into bed at night because he’s gotten too heavy for momma to do it. He thinks of how he should be letting his little girl play dress up with him and having tea parties instead of setting up the feeding pump that will give her nutrients through a feeding tube for 18 hours straight.

While he holds onto hope that his miracle with so many special needs will get better, he experiences what true love is daily through his child and accepts this life, puts on a brave smile for his family, goes to work to pay the bills and is always there to hold his wife when she feels doesn’t know what to do or where to turn.

This dad experiences the joy, the heartache, the love, the fear… all of it. He is willing to go unnoticed, unheard, unseen not because he isn’t equipped to live this special life, but rather because he is willing to be the strong, silent backbone for his child and wife. He is selfless and puts his own feelings aside so he can power through and take care of his family. In a society where the moms of children with special needs are constantly praised, the dad is often the unsung hero behind the scenes, snuggling, bathing, giving meds, working and allowing his family to thrive.

The dad behind the diagnosis may be hidden from your view, but he is there. Quietly supporting his family… and doing an amazing job.

I love you Parker Ronald Allen!! Thanks for being this kind of dad for our beautiful son!

Parker and Ryker at Josh and Sadie's Wedding in May

One of the many nights Parker slept at the hospital with Ryker.

Feeding Ryker like dad's do!! Relaxed!

Watching the Man shows together!!!