Ryker is sick once again!

I often ask myself why keep going? What's the point? Why haven't you lost faith? Ryker's isn't off of oyxgen. He still needs the bipap. He is always going to have one complication after another. He will never be normal. Why keep going? Why? To be honest I don't know why I keep going. Deep down I know there isn't anything else to do other then to have faith and pray Ryker's life will be better then what it has been. I do know for a fact that I can't do this the rest of my life. I have put a brave face on for my son for the past 13 months. He needs his mommy, but I don't know how much long I can take it. Watching him struggle to breath over a simple cold that me and you get all the time is really unsettling. I have been struggling with the idea of taking him back to the hospital. I know what they would do for him there. We have all medical necessities they have here at home so I know it won't do much other then give me a break from being doctor, nurse, respiratory therapist, and all the other hats I wear throughout the day. I wish people would understand how a simple cold virus could be seriously hospitalizing for Ryker. Casual visits with a sore throat, cough, or any sick symptom can be catastrophic for my son. I tell people over an over no visits with symptoms, but people think well it's allergies, or I am almost over it. Well I only have a small cough. I am not as sick as I was. People! Ryker's immune system sucks! It's frustrating. I know I can't keep him in a bubble. I know I can't stay in a bubble, but I can't do sick Ryker anymore. It's emotional, physically, and mentally draining. Needless to say I feel like I am lossing faith, but deep down I know that's all I have. Ryker's needs me and I won't give up as much as I want to. It's been a rough day. Prayers for little man to get better.