Sunday, October 9, 2016

Life is throwing us a curve ball!

Well Folks, I am please to announce that we will be selling our home shortly and be moving down to Utah county. American Fork to be more specific. It's been a long time coming. We have been thinking about this for a while with Ryker and how he is progressing. And not really knowing the whole purpose of us being here in Clearfield. We still haven't figured out this whole craziness of our life yet, but I feel good about this move. There are still some unanswered questions and concerns with this decision, but I know Heavenly Father will be there for us. I also know this is going to be good for our future and our family.
This all came about when I decided it was time to get out of debt and pay off everything. I don't know if any of are familiar with Dave Ramsey, but I have fall into the debt free zone and listening to him on the radio. Well, paying off debt hasn't been the most fun thing ever, but we will be completely debt free once our house is clear. YEAH! We decided that selling our house would be the best to get out of debt and to start fresh with our finances. So the wheels just started going. We talked with a real estate broker and found out what our house was worth. We found out about capital gains and how to get out of them. And here were are moving forward and moving on ward. I got a job in American Fork which will be starting in a week or so. We found a place to live in a basement apartment. And we even found a great resource to get Ryker a permante walker to keep at the house. I feel like everything is falling into place. Which is a little worrisome because it might be too good to be true, but we have a buyer and things seem to be moving forward. Wish us luck! Another adventure in the PJ life. It's time to say goodbye to Clearfield. Life is pretty crazy, and unexpected for sure. Hope this next chapter in our fairy tale will be one with peace and quite, on the other hand, maybe not.

Monday, September 19, 2016

The fun times of August 2016

August was our relaxing summer month. We didn't have much going on, but we did have a couple of fun even happen. Ryker got to hang out with his 2nd cousins in Spanish Fork while Parker and I went to the Crash and Bash car derby in Nephi with the Allen Fam clan. It was pretty fun. I am not use to letting someone watch little Ryker so I was a little nervous leaving him. I knew he would be fine, but it's just Ryker. It was fine and I am sure it will happen again. It's just a little weird leaving my little buddy. He is with me all day everyday. It was good to not to have to worry about him though. Great date for sure!
We also went to the Desert Star playhouse. I have never been there before. It was so much fun. I love plays and musicals. This place served food while you watched. It was like all dressed up like the olden times of the theater experience. That was a for sure do again. I really loved it!
Josh and Sadie came up to our house a lot in August. It is always fun to hang with them. Sadie is my bestest friend ever! I love her so much. We have a good time together making things and painting furniture. I know Parker and Ryker enjoys it as well. Parker gets a video game buddy all weekend. And Ryker has such a special bond with his Auntie Sadie. It's crazy. He loves her so much! I love how we are so close to my family these days. Now that everyone is either married or has a family of their own we seem to be closer. I can't wait until Josh and Sadie have kiddos. We are going to have a blast getting together to have the cousins play. It's going to be a blast.
I found that sometimes dad's are not the best babysitters this month. I went food shopping with Sadie one Saturday. Josh and Parker were in charge of Ryker. I told them they need to feed him and put him down for a nap. We were gone for two hours. When we got back I found my little man in a pile of potato flakes and a full diaper. The two grown boys were both on the couch playing video games on their phones. Sometimes I wonder how my kid survives when Dad is in charge. LOL!
Ryker has grown so much this past month. He is in 2T clothes and getting so tall. I can't believe how big my little man is getting. He is finally growing into his big head. Milestones for him are a little difficult still. He is really wobbly when he is sitting on the floor and he absolutely hates to crawl. That crawling device we got him is only useful for holding dirty laundry and maybe an hour out of the day for crawling. I wish he had stronger muscles to get his little body moving. We were in a therapy appointment in August with his Physical Therapist. The last 5 minutes of the appointment we always have to rate him goals on a scale of 1 to 10. I know I have high expectations and he probably hasn't received a 10 by my rating scale. I broke down one therapy appointment. I expressed to the therapist how hard it is for me to see my little boy struggle and work so hard to move. My niece and nephew who are only 6-7 months old are already crawling around and sitting by themselves. It makes me so frustrated to see "NORMAL" kids to what Ryker can not. He doesn't understand it, but someday he will. I don't know what I am going to say to him or how he will feel. It breaks my heart to see my son struggle so much with just the little things.
August was a month full of grandparents. Ryker got to hang out with his Grandma and Grandpa Allen, Grandma Lori and Grandpa Julian, and we saw Grandma Julian some too. I am so glad he is getting to know them. I loved to spend time with my grandparents when I was little. It was my favorite thing to go sleepover and play cards. Ryker has some pretty awesome grandparents. I am so glad we are so close where he can get time to see them.
Well folks, that's our run down of August. I hope to post again soon. But I don't promise because I am not the best at this blog thing. If it's not graded for a homework assignment. It's a little tricky to get it done. Ha!

Where can I turn for Peace? And The Uncertainties of Life!

Lately, for some reason I have been feeling a spiritual slump. I feel the lack of the guidance of the spirit and spiritually confused. I have lots of unanswered questions of the future, of little Ryker, and of life in general. I have come to find where I turn for peace. It's through reading the scriptures and praying to my Father in Heaven. I have found the reasoning for the lack of spiritual uplifting is due to my lack of diligence in doing to small things. I am waiting for things to unfold, the eye opener of our purpose and reasons of why we are here in Clearfield. Its pretty frustrated to think I am wasting my time in a place, but is there is a purpose. Often I feel spiritual suffocated.
The past few weeks has been one of those times when I feel uncertain of God's plan in my life. We have been planning on selling our home here in Clearfield for sometime now, but we have to wait until next April so we don't have to pay capital gain tax. The feeling of uncertainty has rest upon us lately. We have been working hard to get out of debt and stay out of debt. It's been our summer's wish to have everything paid for. We are in discussions of selling our Truck and trailer and down grading to something more affordable to pay off my student loans. We are uncertain of where to go after selling our house.
The feelings I felt when I was pregnant with Ryker in Idaho Falls are coming back to me. The uncertainty of where to go, what is going to happen, and what's is our next chapter in this book of life. I know Heavenly Father is going to throw a curve ball at us, He always does for some reason. The things we plan for always seem to be different then His plan. I am scared, excited, and a little nervous for what's next in our PJs Adventures.
Every time I pray to see the whole picture, I only get a feeling of peace. A small voice stating, "It's all in the Lord's hands, Rest, Peace be with you." I know it's in the Lord's hands, but sometimes I don't like what's in the store for us. Heavenly Father knows me, He knows I struggle with uncertainty. But I must have to learn something because it's happened many times in our marriage. Here we go again another Leap of Faith to the unknown. Hopefully we fly instead of sink.

Friday, August 5, 2016

A quick update on our life in June 2016!

Man lots has happened in our crazy month of June. We have been crazy busy this summer already. Sometimes it's just hard to juggle everything. We haven't been home on the weekends this last month because of all the crazy family functions we got to attend. I am looking forward to a couple of weekends at home to just sit and relax and just be with our little family. Not that getting together with extended family is a bad thing, but I do enjoy a little PJS family time as well.

We started the month of June off with a great fishing trip with my dad and Lori. We headed up to Midway Utah to go fishing at a little fish pond by my dad's house. We had such a great time enjoying each other's company. And Little Ryk man got to have some bonding time with his grandparents. We caught five fish. I caught two, Ryker caught two and my dad caught one. The funny thing is we had a little tiny kid pole. Ryker's pole he got for Christmas a while back from my dad. We caught most of the fist from that pole. It was funny when we reeled it in. The fish would jump and wiggle around on this little pole. We even let Ryker touch the fish. He squeezed it and smiled. It was so cute seeing him play with the fish. I am sure he was just trying to figure out what it was and why it was so slimy. But his face was a classic. He was worried and happy all at the same time. We have been enjoying Dad and Lori's company lately during the softball season. They have been coming to help watch Ryker while Parker and I play ball. It's good for Ryker to have a relationship with his grandparents. He seems to enjoy them and I am glad they are willing to come watch and help babysit.

Speaking of softball it was a hard month for me. I love softball don't get me wrong, but since my little insistent with the line drive to the face I have not been playing very well. My eyes were slightly off and I was worried about getting hit again. I defiantly couldn't hit or caught the ball. It was very frustrating. And to top it all off I hate being the so called manager/coach. It is super stressful getting players there every week and I feel like sometimes people don't appreciate all the effort I make to get the team there. I can't wait for the time off of being coach. I don't know if I will ever do it again. I like just showing up and playing with no worries. But June was hard to even play for me. It took until the last game in June to finally get back into the groove of things. Concussions mess you up that's for sure!  We did happen to win two of our games in June. That was a good feeling. I will tired of losing every game. It's hard to want to play when you lose all the time. I am just competitive I guess. LOL!
We did start a tradition as a team which was something I look forward to it every game. We go to wingers after and eat. It's a blast to get to know all the players on a personal level and just hang out. It makes softball season more fun! We have made a couple of friends because of the after game wingers party. Cailin and Dave will be lifers for sure!!

June we had the chance to attend the parade of homes for utah county. It got me really excited to move. I know we have to wait another six months, but my mind is a working on the details of where we will be next year. I really hope it pans out that in my head, but if not, God always makes the ride of life exciting and enjoyable most of the time. HA. I love the parade of home though. It gives me ideas of what to do in my current home. My budget might not like the parade of home because of all the stuff I want to do, but it's still fun to see all the crazy and creative ideas that go into home decor.

Ryker experience the Rodeo in Pleasant Grove for the first time. He didn't seem to care really. But to be honest I am loving the fact we get to do things as a family. I am so grateful we are not home bound anymore. It got really lonely and not fun. So at least that point of time is gone. Thank goodness!  But the rodeo was fun. It's the same old every time, but we got to enjoy strawberries and cream. I always wanted to be one of the cowgirls the ride around the barrels. But that dream never happened. I am probably too much of a chicken now to try.

We found a great little party place for kids in June. It's call the train shoppe in Salt lake. I didn't think it would be cool at first, but you go in and it looks like a regular shop to buy parts for toy trains. Expensive hobby that for sure! But in the back are model trains you put coins in and see them go. Ryker liked all the lights and sounds when they would go around. We also got to ride a kid size train. It went around in a circle and showed different scenes of outdoor animals. All were animated and moved. It was pretty cool. He also took a ride on a old pioneer wagon. He didn't seem to like it much, but it was a good time.

We had two birthday celebrations in June. Ryker's cousin Joel turned two. He had a smashing swimming pool party. All the cousins came and we went swimming in their backyard with all the kiddy pools. Ryker doesn't do much in pools, but he does love baths. He will splash until his heart is content. He actually got to tub it with his cousins in June. All four of them in the same tub. It was pretty funny.  Great Grandpa Allen had his 80th birthday in June. We all ventured down to Nephi and celebrated with him at his house. We had dutch oven deliciousness and good old fashion kids playing in the backyard. It's always nice to have all the extended family together. Now that my grandparents are gone we don't do anything with my extended family. It was like they were the glue to put it all together. Now I probably won't ever see any of my cousins anymore unless I put something together. But at this point in my life I am not that ambitious.

So funny thing happened in June. I got a job teaching again. It was teaching online to Chinese kids. It was super fun. I loved being a teacher again. It is definitely my passion and was I was born to do. I really had missed it so much. The kids were the same as regular kids. Did the same funny things such as picking noses and playing with their toes. It was a great experience. The only down fall was they wanted me to teach more then I was suppose and the time of day was horrible. I worked from 4:00am-8:00am. Not fun at all. It took all my energy. To be honest it would have been a great job if I wasn't a mom. I wish I could have powered through it, but Ryker and Parker are way more important then some extra cash and teaching. I would rather spend time with them then sleep so I could get  up and go to work. Plus all those that know me I am not a happy camper when I don't get much sleep. So I quit. I did it for two weeks. It was a great experience, something I will definitely put on my resume. But at this point in time, not for me! Maybe when my kids are in school and I can sleep during the day when they are gone. I will definitely think about it.

Now my friends that's a wrap of our June fun. Here are a few pictures to hold you over until I post again for our July adventures. July was a busy month as well.

Tuesday, July 5, 2016

strength through the gospel

The last couple of months have been hard and stressful on me. Nothing really in particular and nothing really has happened to make it hard. But for some reason I have been feeling life stress lately. I am so glad that all the Ryker medical stress is over. I am so lucky to have the life I have right now. I am very blessed, but the last couple of months it's been hard to see how blessed I am. I have been struggling with my calling in our ward. There are often times I don't want to attend church because I am feeling so emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausted. Throughout all the crazy busy life struggles I have found the only way to overcome them is through the gospel of Jesus Christ. I feel comfort to know that I can get on my knees and pray to my Father in Heaven for strength to get out of bed and do it all over again. Jesus Christ is my best friend, always will be. I know I can go to him for help and just conversation because he knows what I am feeling. I know everyone feels the daily mandan stresses of life. Sometimes it gets boring to do the same thing over and over and over. Being a stay at home mom I feel the boredom often. But once again, there is always someone to converse with when I need an adult to talk to. Heaven Father is always there. So my fellow followers. If you ever need a friend and you are feeling lonely. Please remember our beloved Father in Heaven. He is always there and he care for you. Yes it's sometimes easier to talk to someone face to face, but if you don't have someone there our Father is always there. I testify of them and I truly believe it! Feel comfort in the simple truth. Also, if you ever do need a face to face conversation I am here. Everyday anytime. Remember I just admitted to  you that I get bored often. LOL! Love you all!

Childhood memories (June 5, 2016)

Yesterday we had the opportunity to go fishing with my dad and Lori. I wasn't sure what to expect because we haven't had too many encounters with them for the last couple of years. But I felt Ryker needed to have a bonding experience with his grandpa. It actually went very well. It brought me back to my childhood of going fishing with my dad and grandpa. We had amazing memories of camping and fishing with my grandpa. One of the best memories I have is when I was about 14. I went deer hunting with my dad and grandpa. My little brother and sister were there as well. My grandpa found a little stream with a hole that had a huge fish in it. The fish couldn't get to the river because the stream didn't connect. My grandpa was going to teach us how to catch a fish without a fishing pole. He bent down to scoop up the fish, but he slipped and fell right into the stream. He was so wet. He got everything wet. We were laughing so hard. He decided we needed a pole or a net to get the fish out. It was one of the best memories of my grandpa. Man I sure to miss that man. I can't wait until the day comes where I will be able to speak with him again and discuss life experiences. I  had the best grandparents in the world. They were always supportive and willing to help me out. I loved going to their house on Sunday afternoons, make myself a "Grandma Sandwich" and shoot the breeze with both of them. They have such interesting views on life and how we were suppose to live it. I sure do love and miss them so much. I hope Ryker gets to have wonderful experiences with his grandparents such as I did when I was a youngster.

Sunday, May 22, 2016

Eternal Joy Through Following the Spirit

"Joy comes as we recognize that we can communicate with our Heavenly Father through prayer and that those prayers will be heard and answered—perhaps not how and when we expected they would be answered, but they will be answered and by a Heavenly Father who knows and loves us perfectly and who desires our happiness" Pres. Monson

This week I am teaching a lesson on the spiritual promptings we get to follow and how to recognize the spiritual promptings from our Heavenly Father. Thinking back to my life and the spiritual promptings that I have received, I feel so blessed to have the Holy Ghost in my life. There has been several promptings that I am thankful for that I decided to follow them. They have been the guide and turning point of my testimony and my life. The first one was the prompting that I needed to serve a mission. That was such a hard thing for me to follow due to the fact that I just finished waiting for my missionary. I desperately wanted to stay and get married, but Heavenly Father had a different plan for me. Going on my mission not only helped others find the gospel of Jesus Christ, but it is one of the foundations of my testimony. All the experiences, people, and trials I had as a missionary I would never take back. I needed to experience love, lost, and triumph as a missionary to be able to lean on my Heavenly Father throughout my life. 

The second prompting that changed my life was the crazy idea of transferring all my college credits to BYU Idaho. It didn't make sense because I lost over half of the credit I worked so hard to get. But Once again, Heavenly Father knows best. I would have never found my Fabulous Parker. I know it was a short visit to Rexburg, but with only one semester there I found the love of my life and I once again would never have changed that experience for anything.

The latest big prompting Parker and I both received was Ryker and not getting a breathing tube in his neck. I was told over and over again that he needed it, but blessing after blessing, prayer after prayer I was told not to do it. That he will overcome this. After almost years of waiting, praying, and having faith that was we were following was the spirit, Ryker has had a miracle recovery. He is tube free 100%. Another life changing experience. It has made my testimony grow so much. I have a stronger Faith. More hope. And a unwavering testimony of the love of my Heavenly Father and miracles if I pray and have faith really do happen. 

We have had many other crazy promptings from the spirit and we try really hard to follow them. There are times I have found myself I don't. Those times I feel the lack of the spirit in my life. The more I follow the spirit the better my life is and my testimony always grows deeper and stronger. 

Saturday, May 21, 2016

Take a look at May 2016

We kicked started May off with a great Mother's day celebration. We had a little get together with the Allen Clan at my house this year. Parker got a new BBQ grill for a late birthday present and wanted to show it off. So we grilled up some burgers and enjoyed each others company. We also celebrated mother's day with my family by doing yard work for my mom. That's really all she wants is to make her yard beautiful. Speaking of yards, Parker and I have been working really hard to get our front and backyard clean up and weed free. It's hard work and it's been getting really hot the last couple of weeks. But I am loving all the compliments for all our neighbors. We still have a lot of work to do in our backyard, but it will look so great after it's all done. I am starting to get the green thumb my mom has. I am loving having flowers in my gardens and seeing all the beautiful colors makes me smile. I am loving it! We have also be redecorating our home. We finished painting the kitchen cabinets and painted accent walls and the bathrooms. It looks fabulous! It really gives our house a personality. I am loving the look of our house. It's great!

May also was a month of firsts for Ryker man. He got to take a trip in the RzR for the first time. He was a little nervous, but then he seemed to enjoy it. Ryker also got to go swimming for the first time without his gtube. He got cold and the pool wasn't very accommodating for little babies, but he used a floaty. He did great. I think it's going to be a hit this summer. It will give us something to do other then just sitting home.

Another big hit this last month has been softball. Playing twice a week is kicking my butt. I use to playing everyday with no problems, now I am feeling how old I am. I am not even that old, but I am always sore and stiff the next day. It's been fun. I really need some practice. I can't hit the ball like I use to and I am struggling with catching fly balls. I know getting hit in the head has really taken a toll on me. I am playing nervous and not myself. But I am enjoying every minute of it. Our family team may not be the best team, but we are having a good time playing together. Our wingers tradition has really been fun as well. It reminds me of when I was younger and spending all summer at the ballpark. That's how it will be with our little family. I will always play and hopefully my kids will love it as much as I do.

The last weekend we took a little camping trip down south to Canyonland National Park. We had a blast as a family! The trip down was great. We just took our time and in no rush. Ryker also did great on the long car ride. Surprisingly Bailey did great on the ride down and back up. The first day we set up camp, played games just Parker and I, and went swimming in this really cool waterfall. We didn't hang out much with his parents that first day, but it was so much fun just hanging out with just our little family. We should go camping more often by ourselves. No technology, no phones, it's quiet and peaceful. No stress just relaxing. Ryker had so much fun as well. No therapy and doctors. Just fun. We went on a rzr ride for a couple of hours the next day and then went and played in the river. Let me tell you, Ryker loved the river! Bailey loved it even more. I have never seen our dog have that much energy. He ran through the water like a puppy. It definitely wore him out. We had a little mishap down at the river. Ryker slipped into the water face first. It was a little scary. He couldn't breath because he had water up his nose. Lucky I stayed calm and patted his back to get the water out. Other then that scary event, the rest of the trip was a blast.

This month we found out that Ryker has allergies to food. We will be taking a trip to an allergy doctor. I fed him eggs and he had a reaction and closed off his airway. His ears turned red, hives, red eyes, swollen face. It was scary. We almost took him to the hospital, but I have such a bad taste in my mouth for Primary's. I just couldn't do it. So we gave him some benedryl and prayed he would get better quickly. Parker gave him a blessing, (I am so grateful for the priesthood) and he was okay. Another miracle for the Ryk man.  Hopefully we the doctor can test to see what else he can't have so we don't have to deal with that again.

May was an adventure. I can't believe it's over. This year has gone by so fast and summer is already here. Summer is going to be an adventure in it's self. Let's see what's in storage in June!

Tuesday, May 17, 2016

Sneak peek of April 2016

Now April was a fun month. We had a good time in April. We started the month off with conference. I absolutely love conference!! It brings me so much peace, hope, and inspiration to be better. It is always the best to start a month off with talks by inspired brothers and sisters of our Heavenly Father.

I did lots of yard work in April. To be honest, I hate pulling weeds, but it does make your yard look so fresh with they are gone. We still have lots to do in our backyard. I am not looking forward to it. But when it's done, it will be beautiful. All I got to say is, our next house we will be putting in our our garden touches. Nothing huge like this house and the great thing about the next house is that no one before us will have trashed the crap out of it. The last two houses we bought we have had to do so much to the yard and it's back breaking work. Yes, I know it's good for you, but I would rather be doing my hobbies then yard work.

So in April I started a softball team for the Julian and Allen family clans. We play every Friday night. It's a blast. I also joined a Wednesday coed league. I am loving every second of it. I just feel like softball is my thing. I am good at it and I feel like I can make friends doing it. Every time I get ready to play I get the softball butterflies and there's a shaking in my bones. I love the feeling I get when I am on the field and when I am up to bat. Heavenly Father really has blessed me with a talent. It is what I have needed to release built up stress and anxiety throughout the week. It makes me a happier person. I won't ever be giving up on this sport. I love it too much! Well with softball comes injuries. Those of you who know me. I play hardcore all out, diving, sliding, do it or die attitude. When you play like this there is going to be times of injury, well I experienced my first one of the season my second week of games. I was pitching and a line drive was hit so hard I didn't even see it coming. It hit me right in the head. I was out! I had to go to the hospital in an ambulance. (That cost a pretty penny) Luckily I didn't have any brain bleeds, but a huge concussion and a knocking headache. The doctor cut a incision on my head to help with the goose egg. She pushed all the blood out and it bled for 6 hours. I was grateful she did that because my black eyes would have been worse. It was a long two weeks. No softball, no housework, no nothing. I just sat on my butt. Not fun. But now I am in full swing of things again. Softball here I come!

April I found the love of upcycling old things I find either in my house or at thrift stores. I have made some really cute home decor for my house. I also found the love of painting. We finished our Kitchen cabinets in April, I also painted stripes on the wall of our family room, Stenciled an awesome design in our front room and did some great accent walls in our master bed and two bathrooms. I am enjoying decorating our house even though we will only be here for another years or so. It is giving me ideas of what I want to do in our next house. I think in the next house I am going to try venturing out into other colors for the kids room and maybe Parker's Man cave area. We will see! I got to admit though our kitchen is looking pretty amazing. Redoing the cabinets really made a huge difference. It's fun to have crafting ideas and get them done. I love it!

April was a month of Ryker developmental Miracles. Ryker figured out how to sit unassisted this month. He got to show off his stuff to his therapists and they are loving the improvements. Thank goodness. I was getting worried they would just right us off and we would have to find new ones. He is also cruising up a storm with rolling. Ryker goes all over the place now. They way I found that out was he was on my bed and all of a sudden he decided to roll off the bed. Crash! Onto the floor. First bruise! Within the same week he rolls to get his oxygen tank and knocks it over on himself. Once again reminder that my baby is a mover. Mama needs to be prepared. We also had a sleep study in April. That was crazy. Once again I hate Primary's. It is the worse place ever. I am so happy we don't have to go there very much anymore. I get these chills that go up my spine every time I walk through the doors. I hate that place. Well a week before the study I called the doctor to see if we could do a sleep study without the bipap settings. He told me he didn't feel comfortable doing that. I did try to tell him Ryker wasn't tolerating the bipap, but of course he didn't listen. Well the sleep study comes along and of course, Ryker doesn't tolerate the bipap. Just like I said. For 5 hours the Respiratory therapist struggled to get him to fall asleep because he hate the mask. The only time he fell asleep was on the nasal cannula. Well she finally called the doctor to get orders to do a study without the bipap and what do you know. Ryker did amazing!! Got the phone call that he doesn't need a machine to breath anymore. No more bipap! No more medical bills for it! He doesn't have severe sleep apnea anymore. He just needs a small dose of oxygen while he sleeps. Huge!!! Huge!! Heavenly Father once again blessed my little buddy with a miracle. I truly didn't think he would ever get off that thing. I thought he would be on it his whole life. Not matter what the doctors say, that surgery was the answer. I am glad we stuck to our guns. Little Ryker is proving the medical world wrong everyday, I love it! And I am so proud to be him mama! Great job little buddy!

April went by fast I felt. To be honest I can't believe summer is just around the corner. Life has been going by so fast. Ryker is almost two and I can't believe we been dealing with all the craziness for two years now. We are barely catching our breath right now and before you know it life will through us into another tornado and we will be moving again. Wow!

Updating my peeps... Here's a look at what we did in March

I haven't been the best person to update the blog. Parker tells me if I want followers I have to write something. So here I am followers, I am writing something for your enjoyment. Let's do a little run down of all amazingness of our little Allen Family.
March: Josh and Sadie came up quiet a bit in March. We hung out a ton! I sure love those two. Sadie is such a great sister and a huge example of how I want to be as a person. She has so much patience and compassion for others. I love watching her with my little Ryker. She has a pure love for him. She is going be a great mom someday. I can't wait to move closer to her. I am totally hanging out with her so much when I move closer to them.
We had the opportunity in the beginning of March to see our long lost friends from Idaho Falls. They just moved back from Georgia to Idaho Falls. We were and still are super excited to be closer to them. We love them so much. They are such a great example of friendship and support through the hard times. We hungout with them all weekend and got to see how big their kids have gotten. Time really does go by fast. Kids grow up so much in two years. We had a blast going to a decade dinner party with them. We dressed up in the 20's and our costumes were pretty fantastic. I was proud of ourselves for throwing something amazing like that together. It was a good time. March was also a headache because after that trip, our little family came down with two weeks of torture sicknesses. I got the stomach flu for a week. Being sick and trying to take care of little ryks is hard. I was worrying the whole time he would get it. Well Parker was the unlucky one who got it, but it was much worse for him. He ended up with a stomach infection. Don't fun missing work for being sick. Well through all the craziness, Ryker ended up getting a really bad respiratory virus and double ear infection. It was so bad we debted for two days if we needed to take him to the hospital. In the pit of my stomach I kinda new I should have, but I didn't want to experience the hospital again. We have had enough complications with Primary's that I didn't want to go back. It's like I've been traumatized from that hospital and I don't ever want to go back.
March was a busy month, we had Easter, which was way crazy, Jonas' baby blessing was that day as well and celebrating Easter with both sides of the family. We played the game of driving everywhere. It was a pretty good day. We got to see all the favorites and eat lots of good food. Sheila made a great Easter egg hunt for the grand kids. Ryker still doesn't understand all the fun of it all, but someday he will. It was great to get the traditions in anyways. We also had the Provo Temple dedication at the end of March. We haven't been to the temple as a couple in forever. I totally miss the days when we could go weekly, but I am still an overly protective mama and have a hard time leaving Ryker with anyone. Hopefully I get over that someday, but right now I am just now ready.  It was a great experience to feel the temple spirit and here the wonderful stories of the history of the temple building. I love this church so much. It brings me so much joy. March was a hard month for Ryker and his development. I was feeling and sometimes still feel the burden of having special needs baby. We were told over and over of how much Ryker is behind in his milestones. One therapist even put us on hold for 6 weeks because he just wasn't moving forward. It's a little frustrating and burdensome. I feel sometimes I don't try hard enough to make Ryker do his therapy at home. I often give in to his crying unlike the therapists, but we just keep trying. It's been rough. Just another reminder of how my life is always going to be and a huge reminder that Ryker is just a special boy and working at his own pace. He is special needs. There are days I don't see that. I just pretend he is normal like all other kids. But then sometimes things happen to put that reminder back. It's like hearing the news from the doctor again. I still take one day at a time. I think it will always be like that.
I even got a new calling for our ward. I am the new Relief Society Activities coordinator. I was this in Idaho Falls for a while so I kinda know what to do. I planned a really cool Relief Society Birthday Party for March. We had a Mad Hatter Tea Party and I tied in all the crazy life experience Alice had in Wonderland with the gospel. We also played The queen of Hearts minute to win it games. I had fun, but the difficult thing for this ward is no one comes. And the ones that do come I felt didn't want to join in on the fun and they have thought it was dumb. I don't know. I struggle a lot with this ward. I feel like I don't fit in. It just doesn't feel like a family like our other ward in Idaho Falls did. I feel like people don't want to go out of their way to make friends with anyone. They are all stuck in their own worlds without inviting others to come in. I know I could do better at inviting others into my world, but it's difficult when you don't feel like you fit in.

March was a pretty interesting month. Still just rolling with the punches. Living life to it's fullest. I did invest my time in march to planting seeds to make my flower beds beautiful this year. It was hard work, but it was well worth it. They are making their way into the world and turning out to be so pretty. Well peeps....there's a glimpse into what we did in March 2016.


Sunday, May 8, 2016

May 8, 2016 A reflection on Mother's day!

Mother's day! I can't believe another has come again. Last year was my first one and to be honest I know I was very stressed to be a mother at that point in my life. I reflect on my two years of being a mother and it is something totally different then what I expected. My experience as a mother is completely different then anyone else's experience. It's my own personal motherhood experience I wouldn't change it any other way.

This last week, I was visited by my mother in law and sister in law. As I watched those two I had a great appreciation for them in a motherly aspect. My sister in law has a crazy toddler who I adore so much, but he is very mobile. He has toddler aspects that have been in grained to his brain that Ryker doesn't possess yet. But as I watched her parent him and his little sister I was impressed with how she dealt with it all. She does it with so much grace and love. I am grateful Ryker is wear he is developmentally because seeing what he could be, I was thinking I don't know if I could keep up. She is such an amazing example of patience. I need more of her patience in my life.

My mother in law. Wow! What a lady! She is one of my best friends, someone I call for spiritual and temporal advice. She is always willing to service my family and help out whenever she can. In my eyes she is exactly what a grandma is suppose to be. She reminds me of my grandma. Fun, adventurous, and spiritual. I love having deep conversations with her about my life, my son's life, my husband, and our future. I love dreaming big dreams with her. She makes my life full of traditions and I appreciate all the traditions she has planned for our family. I couldn't ask for a better mother in law. She is the balance I need in my life because she is completely different then my own mother.

Now my mom, man I love her. She too is one of my best friends. She's a huge inspiration to me. After life has thrown her through the ringer she is still willing to push forward. Now there have been some crazy ups and extreme downs with our relationship. There are times I am so frustrated with her that I want to ring her neck, but then there are times that I wouldn't want her to change because her craziness is exactly what I need. She pushes me to be better. She makes me be stronger. She has installed the Julian fight to keep going and don't take NO for answer. She has made me braver and fearless. My mom is incredible! I wouldn't change her one bit, mostly because I am exactly like her. We butt head often because we are both head strong. My likes are her likes. My mother is crazy, but her crazy is my crazy and that's the way I like it. My son is lucky to have such a loving, crazy grandma like my mom. I hope one day he has some of our crazy in him as well.

I love mother's day. I really gets me thinking about all the great mother examples that have make me who I am today. I have worked with amazing ladies at Joanns. They really help me see the importance of life and what I looked forward in the future. My ex boyfriend's mother was a huge example to me. I needed her in that point in time. She also had a huge impact on who I am and what I want to become. All these amazing mothers have blessed my life so much. I hope one day I can possess some maybe even all the amazing Christ like attributes they all have. I hope this mother's day in unforgettable to all of you.


Wednesday, February 24, 2016

It's been awhile...

Man I can't believe what has happened the last month or so. We have had a baby shower, sickness, vacation, new babies born, and surgery. Our family has been real busy this last month with birthdays, family functions, and lots of busy weekends. Hopefully it will slow down soon.

Well let's start off with a quick run down of all the exciting adventures for this month. We started it off with a baby shower for my sister in law Kenzi. We partied like no other. That little cute niece of mine has everything she ever needs and all those bows we made was pretty crazy. She will be one stylish baby doll. I even made her a great diaper cake with a couple of cute bows she can wear. I got to meet her a couple of weeks after the baby shower. I snuggled her and kissed her sweet baby head. I couldn't believe how little she was, but in reality she is just the perfect size for a new born. It's crazy to think that Ryker was so much smaller and shorter then her. It was really fun to see how much hair she has though. Her princess like features are adorable. She is such a sweet baby.

We have been trying to keep Ryker a happy healthy little boy this past month for his surgery that is taken place today. Sometimes I get frustrated because some people just don't understand how serious a sickness can be for my little man. Reminding people not to come over, or we can't be around those that are sick. Some people are in denial of how sick their kids are or that it's just a little runny nose. My kid is just tired. It's s touchy subject sometimes, but for my little man a little cold your kid has or a small virus that makes your kid throw up can and probably will make Ryker go to the hospital. I am such a mama bear when it comes to that kind of thing. I feel like we can't be around some people because we just don't know until it's too late. Well we made it through this crazy sickness month with no hiccups. Hopefully the rest of the cold and flu sickness season will be successful. Thank goodness we are still getting the RSV shot. Next year will be a more of a worry story without it.

We had a family vacation this last month. We traveled to Saint George for the parade of homes and warm weather. I am not going to lie, that weather was like a dream. Cool breezes, wonderful sun shine, and beautiful red rock. It was pretty awesome! The houses we saw were pretty cool too! It gave us lots of ideas on what to do to our next house. Ryker did ok. We had some mishaps such as loosing his bottle and leaving his nasal cannula at home. oops. Luckly for me, I was prepared with extras. We even had a mishap with Ryker getting allergies. But overall it was a success and hopefully we can get go on a longer one in the summer time.

We also had another baby born last week. Baby Jonas Julian Younkin. He totally looks like his daddy. Congrats Daddy Jeromy! I am so excited to be an aunt to your cute son! Your going to be such a great parent!

Birthdays are always a joy in January and February. We have Grandma Sheila, Tyce, Mommy, and Uncle Josh all within a couple of weeks of each other. Crazy! We celebrated with tons of cake, ice cream and family get together. My birthday this year was epic. We went to nickle mania to play arcade games and won little Ryker some awesome toys! Uncle Jeromy came up with an idea of going through all the machines a getting the extra coins. It was brilliant when we needed a few more tickets for an amazing Snake and Hat! I am loving getting some gaming time in with my two brothers. It's nice to live close to them.

We went to the new provo temple open house this past week. It was AMAZING! They used so much of the historical stuff from the old tabernacle. Ryker and I got to hang with Sadie and Josh all weekend. They slept at our house for two nights, we made skirts while the boys played video games. Bonding time! We even did a little dance dance to the kinec! Great times!

So a little while ago I was told because Ryker is special needs and will most likely be on an IEP, he will start Preschool next year, Like 2017! Makes me happy, excited, nervous, and anxious. He is doing so well. I can't believe we are here in his development state. He is impressing everyone mostly his mama. Well with this new information we have decided that we maybe moving more south to Utah county. There are a couple of great programs for Ryker that we are interested in and we are thinking because of all our stairs it would be beneficial for Ryker if we built a house that is all one level. He isn't walking yet, but int he future he will be using a walker or a wheel chair or something and our stairs will just not work. We have needed to be here in this house for family and decisions of others makes it so we need to be here. But I feel like our time is coming to an end here and it will be time for us to move again for Ryker. God really puts us where are need to be and we always find out reasons why we were suppose to do the things we do. God is amazing in showing us the tender mercies, miracles, and blessings when we follow his path and way for each of us. I feel often that Ryker has come to remind me of the miracles in my life and of God's plan for me. My little man humbles me everyday and keeps me on the straight and narrow path back to God. I have also noticed the amazing change in those around him. His grandpa once told me that Ryker is here to save our precious family. He is here to show us the way. Relationships and hearts have changed in both sides of our families because of Ryker's influence.

I sure do love my little Ryks. He amazes me everyday.  Ryker is so close to our Heavenly Father, He is always happy and patient and courageous. He is one of the bravest little boys I know. Today showed me how brave that kid is. After surgery he had is eyes open (after they were bleeding and sore) he was ready to play and smiled all day at the hospital. The only thing that upset him was how hungry he was, after the bottle he was ready to rock and roll. All the nurses were amazed at how happy he was after surgery. Once again he proved to his mom how special and brave he is in this sweet life of his. We went home after only a few short hours of coming out of surgery. I was expecting to stay over night like all the other experiences we have had this last year.

This last surgery made me grateful for all the amazing things Ryker does in his little life. There were many kids in the surgery waiting room that have far more complications then Ryker. He is finally over all his crazy his of medical problems. All of them have been fixed and now he is finally like other kids. NORMAL. Well Ryker normal, but still he is on the right path to improvement. Ryker is special and I hope all that can have the pleasure of being with him can feel how special he is.

Saturday, January 30, 2016

January has flown by!

Wow! I can't believe how fast January has gone by. I feel like we were just getting over the holidays and now February is in two days.
As I sit here thinking back a year ago, we were getting home from Primary Children's for the long and scary stay at the hospital. We were told many times Ryker wasn't doing well and he was dropping his oxygen to the teen's. We even signed papers stating the hospital wasn't liable for Ryker's situation if we chose to go home without being trached. They basically told us he was going to die, but that thought never ever not even being born early came to my mind. I never felt that worry or stress. The only stress I felt was help my baby so we could go home. I really just wanted out of there because they weren't doing anything for him that I couldn't do at home. Well I sit here and think, I am so glad I followed my mother's intuition. I am so grateful that our Heavenly Father speaks to us directly through the holy ghost. If I didn't have him and the priesthood blessings in our little family, I wouldn't have made it. I think over and over again how amazing Ryker is. He is the reason for me to remember our Heavevly Father. I will never be able to forget all the miracles. I have been so close to him this past year. Having Ryker in our family has truly changed my heart, faith, and patience. I don't know if I could have learned what I did without him and our year of trials has made me a different person.

This past week my sweet niece Naya Garcia was born. Unfortunately, with sick kids and conflicting scheduling we haven't made it over to see her. I want to snuggle that precious thing. But I hate to admit, I am slightly jealous of how perfect she is. The first time I saw Ryker he was so little with tubes. I didn't realize how hard things would be from that day on. This little sweet girl is so lucky not to live the hard medical life Ryker has been given and it makes me hurt inside to know it's not over for him. He will always have a surgery to wait for, doctors to see, and therapists to push him. He won't have the normal kid life like this sweet baby will with of all the appointments and people staring. My nephew who is four is already asking me questions like why is Ryker different? Why are his hands crippled? Why can't he walk like other kids? It has hit me, these are going to be questions I have to answer all the time. Ryker will have to answer these questions when he is older. I am scared to think of how kids will treat him.It's sad that all these fears and emotions come to me when I see my sweet niece. Sometimes I wish I had a kid that fit the normal kid picture, but then I remember all the miracles and tender mercies of have seen. I remember that Ryker has a special purpose here. I love being his mom. I am grateful to be his mom, but I know I am not perfect. Those thoughts do come into my mind sometimes, but I remember all the blessings we have with my little man and I know in my heart he was sent to me for a reason. So no matter how different you are my beautiful Ryker, I will always love you and you will always be normal in mommy's world.

Monday, January 18, 2016

2016...What will you be?

It's a new year, with new goals, new adventures, and new family bond. Lately I have been pondering Ryker's Baby blessing from last year. Somethings have stuck out to me. Be able to control your body, Focus on what you need to focus on, Being able to breath on your own, Run and jump like any other kid, eating on your own, nothing serious will be wrong. It's a huge eye opener to me to see all these amazing things happen in my little man's life. I don't know how people can't believe in a loving Heavenly Father. He is real. I testifiy of that known truth. My loving and kind Heavenly Father has blessed my son with all those things. When he was born deep down I doubted for a minute. I wasn't sure it would happen, but seeing all the miracles that happened this last year, WOW! it's a testimony builder to know God is real, He loves us, He is there, and He knows ALL!  

In Relief Society this week we were taught about tender mercies. This too is another testimony builder for me. I have seen so many tender mercies in little Ryker's life this past year. Those are the things that have got me through this hard year. I believe that if we find those tender mercies and recognize them in our lives, we will see more miracles and have a stronger testimony of those things we struggle to believe. The more I open my heart the bigger my vision gets to see the big picture of this life and God's plan. I was reading the other day about someone from High School I played softball with recently lost her baby boy. He was only alive for 35 minutes because he was born with no brain. It got me thinking about God's Plan. No matter there is always a plan. I may have been blessed to have Ryker stay a live and be with us, but if it was God's plan he could not be here. There is a reason Ryker is here, I don't know what the reason, but it's a special mission just like all of us have. God places us where he needs us. He guides us to where we need to go. We need to recognize that God is in charge not us, There are many people here on earth that are lost. We need to help them recognize God's hand in their lives.

This month has been a busy one. We started the month off with Great Grandma Allen's yearly Christmas party. It was a little late this year, but we got to see some people there that are usually not there. Melissa and her wonderful cute red heads came. It was really good to see them. They are like my favorites ever!. We ate and enjoyed everyone's company.  It was really good to see everyone. We need to so more with that side of the family. I do have fun with them. This month, I also got a get surprise when I walked into the Joann's fabrics and crafts and saw an old friend of mine. She was a huge part of my life when I was in High School and I don't think I would be where I am without her influence and example. I truly have missed her in my life and I am so glad I ran into her. She got to meet Ryker and I got to caught up with her for a few minutes. It brought back so many memories and good times with those ladies at Joanns. I would love to work for Michelle again. She was one of the best Bosses I have ever worked for. I will have to make some more stops there to visit. The ladies at Joanns helped me go on a mission and they were dedicated writers every week. I felt there love every week I received a letter from them. I appreciate all they have done for me.

The other day I got to see another great example to me while I was in High School. Jerri Phelps was a great influence on me. I really needed her through some of those crazy times. I sure loved spending time with her the other day and caught up on what has been happening with her and her family. Life is crazy. Things are so different and people have changed so much. I can't believe I am where I am today because things could have gone a different way. WOW! I am feeling so grateful for all those amazing influences I had while I was so young in the gospel. I needed them to guide me to be a better person and follow the right path.

Another great experience I had this month was getting together with some amazing Sorelle from my mission. I have missed them so much. We had such a great time together and we grow together. One of my favorites Misha Greer really bonded with Ryker. She just seemed like she connected with him like not many do. It was great to see her and feel her support through my struggles this past year. I absolutely love her to death. Another great example is my other companion I hung out with is Melissa Moorehead Wilde. She is moving to saint George. I am super sad about it because we didn't get to hang out like we should have. But she taught me to have fun and relax. I had some great companions in the mission. Heavenly Father knew what I needed and I am so grateful for each and everyone. They all taught me something different. Missions are amazing! Everyone needs to experience a mission. It makes you grow in ways you would never think.