January has flown by!

Wow! I can't believe how fast January has gone by. I feel like we were just getting over the holidays and now February is in two days.
As I sit here thinking back a year ago, we were getting home from Primary Children's for the long and scary stay at the hospital. We were told many times Ryker wasn't doing well and he was dropping his oxygen to the teen's. We even signed papers stating the hospital wasn't liable for Ryker's situation if we chose to go home without being trached. They basically told us he was going to die, but that thought never ever not even being born early came to my mind. I never felt that worry or stress. The only stress I felt was help my baby so we could go home. I really just wanted out of there because they weren't doing anything for him that I couldn't do at home. Well I sit here and think, I am so glad I followed my mother's intuition. I am so grateful that our Heavenly Father speaks to us directly through the holy ghost. If I didn't have him and the priesthood blessings in our little family, I wouldn't have made it. I think over and over again how amazing Ryker is. He is the reason for me to remember our Heavevly Father. I will never be able to forget all the miracles. I have been so close to him this past year. Having Ryker in our family has truly changed my heart, faith, and patience. I don't know if I could have learned what I did without him and our year of trials has made me a different person.

This past week my sweet niece Naya Garcia was born. Unfortunately, with sick kids and conflicting scheduling we haven't made it over to see her. I want to snuggle that precious thing. But I hate to admit, I am slightly jealous of how perfect she is. The first time I saw Ryker he was so little with tubes. I didn't realize how hard things would be from that day on. This little sweet girl is so lucky not to live the hard medical life Ryker has been given and it makes me hurt inside to know it's not over for him. He will always have a surgery to wait for, doctors to see, and therapists to push him. He won't have the normal kid life like this sweet baby will with of all the appointments and people staring. My nephew who is four is already asking me questions like why is Ryker different? Why are his hands crippled? Why can't he walk like other kids? It has hit me, these are going to be questions I have to answer all the time. Ryker will have to answer these questions when he is older. I am scared to think of how kids will treat him.It's sad that all these fears and emotions come to me when I see my sweet niece. Sometimes I wish I had a kid that fit the normal kid picture, but then I remember all the miracles and tender mercies of have seen. I remember that Ryker has a special purpose here. I love being his mom. I am grateful to be his mom, but I know I am not perfect. Those thoughts do come into my mind sometimes, but I remember all the blessings we have with my little man and I know in my heart he was sent to me for a reason. So no matter how different you are my beautiful Ryker, I will always love you and you will always be normal in mommy's world.