A week later and more on our plate!!

Well this last week has been a tearful one. We are officially homeless. We found out last week that our house fell through. The appraisal came in lower than expected and the seller didn't want to go down on his price. So we are on a house hunt again. We have felt really lost this last week. Thinking Heavenly Father wanted you in one place and didn't work out makes you wonder if you are really receiving revelation.  I have cried more the last week then I have in a long time. For some reason we just need to be tried a little longer. Not sure what I am suppose to learn from this, but feeling very lost is not a great feeling. Maybe I am trying hard to control my life and not let Heavenly Father do it for me. I am still learning to let him lead me. I am pretty stubborn though so sometimes I just don't get it I guess. Ha. I think it was more that I didn't have a place to call my own and a house to raise little Ryker that made me more sad than anything.

After thinking about an impression we both had back in December that we are suppose to be in this area we put an application for an apartment up here in Clearfield, just so we didn't have to change all of Ryker's therapist until we knew where we were suppose to be. We did get the apartment, but we were feeling like it wasn't what we needed to do so we told the owners we changed our minds. We are feeling more that we need to stay in this ward more than anything. I am just ready to move out and move on, but something is just stopping just from doing that. We feel we have hit a spiritual road block. Not knowing what to do  is pretty much the worst feeling. I often wonder am I not doing enough to receive revelation. Am I not going to church enough to feel the spirit. What has changed that it's making it so I don't really feel the spirit as strong as I have before.  I have drawn away from Heavenly Father the last couple of weeks so maybe that's what it is. I am feeling very burdened and overloaded and very lost. I have decided to take stuff off my plate. After this semester of school, I am taking a break. I told Parker he needs to use his inspiration to find us a house because I just can't do it right now. I am slowing trying to get things falling off my plate, I need to remember that I can't do everything and I definitely can't do everything perfectly.

Well after much spiritual fine tuning, I have come to the conclusion that I am just giving it to the Lord. I can't do it anymore. I have been trying and trying to make things work. I am realizing my life will never be like it was before all the crazy life changes have happened. It's time to grow up spiritually and accept the cards I have been dealt. Once I came to this realization, I have felt much better about myself and my situation. I can't just sit and be sad all day everyday. I can't say poor me anymore! It's time to really move on. My cousin told me on Monday, Life is hard then we die mine as well have fun. I am going to live that from now on. Yes I am not ok with being a special needs mom anymore, I am not ok with living in Utah, I am not ok with all the doctor appointments and therapist, and I am not ok with living in Clearfield, but I accept it. It's my life and I guess this is what Heavenly Father wants me to do so I need to stop fighting against it. I will learn something from it, not sure what it is yet, but I will am I sure. And some day I might even like it here in Clearfield, Utah with all the doctors and therapists. Maybe.... Let's not get too hasty!

Well that is all for this week. Here are the pictures I feel like I promised last week, but never posted. Have a super great week yourselves!