2016...What will you be?

It's a new year, with new goals, new adventures, and new family bond. Lately I have been pondering Ryker's Baby blessing from last year. Somethings have stuck out to me. Be able to control your body, Focus on what you need to focus on, Being able to breath on your own, Run and jump like any other kid, eating on your own, nothing serious will be wrong. It's a huge eye opener to me to see all these amazing things happen in my little man's life. I don't know how people can't believe in a loving Heavenly Father. He is real. I testifiy of that known truth. My loving and kind Heavenly Father has blessed my son with all those things. When he was born deep down I doubted for a minute. I wasn't sure it would happen, but seeing all the miracles that happened this last year, WOW! it's a testimony builder to know God is real, He loves us, He is there, and He knows ALL!  

In Relief Society this week we were taught about tender mercies. This too is another testimony builder for me. I have seen so many tender mercies in little Ryker's life this past year. Those are the things that have got me through this hard year. I believe that if we find those tender mercies and recognize them in our lives, we will see more miracles and have a stronger testimony of those things we struggle to believe. The more I open my heart the bigger my vision gets to see the big picture of this life and God's plan. I was reading the other day about someone from High School I played softball with recently lost her baby boy. He was only alive for 35 minutes because he was born with no brain. It got me thinking about God's Plan. No matter there is always a plan. I may have been blessed to have Ryker stay a live and be with us, but if it was God's plan he could not be here. There is a reason Ryker is here, I don't know what the reason, but it's a special mission just like all of us have. God places us where he needs us. He guides us to where we need to go. We need to recognize that God is in charge not us, There are many people here on earth that are lost. We need to help them recognize God's hand in their lives.

This month has been a busy one. We started the month off with Great Grandma Allen's yearly Christmas party. It was a little late this year, but we got to see some people there that are usually not there. Melissa and her wonderful cute red heads came. It was really good to see them. They are like my favorites ever!. We ate and enjoyed everyone's company.  It was really good to see everyone. We need to so more with that side of the family. I do have fun with them. This month, I also got a get surprise when I walked into the Joann's fabrics and crafts and saw an old friend of mine. She was a huge part of my life when I was in High School and I don't think I would be where I am without her influence and example. I truly have missed her in my life and I am so glad I ran into her. She got to meet Ryker and I got to caught up with her for a few minutes. It brought back so many memories and good times with those ladies at Joanns. I would love to work for Michelle again. She was one of the best Bosses I have ever worked for. I will have to make some more stops there to visit. The ladies at Joanns helped me go on a mission and they were dedicated writers every week. I felt there love every week I received a letter from them. I appreciate all they have done for me.

The other day I got to see another great example to me while I was in High School. Jerri Phelps was a great influence on me. I really needed her through some of those crazy times. I sure loved spending time with her the other day and caught up on what has been happening with her and her family. Life is crazy. Things are so different and people have changed so much. I can't believe I am where I am today because things could have gone a different way. WOW! I am feeling so grateful for all those amazing influences I had while I was so young in the gospel. I needed them to guide me to be a better person and follow the right path.

Another great experience I had this month was getting together with some amazing Sorelle from my mission. I have missed them so much. We had such a great time together and we grow together. One of my favorites Misha Greer really bonded with Ryker. She just seemed like she connected with him like not many do. It was great to see her and feel her support through my struggles this past year. I absolutely love her to death. Another great example is my other companion I hung out with is Melissa Moorehead Wilde. She is moving to saint George. I am super sad about it because we didn't get to hang out like we should have. But she taught me to have fun and relax. I had some great companions in the mission. Heavenly Father knew what I needed and I am so grateful for each and everyone. They all taught me something different. Missions are amazing! Everyone needs to experience a mission. It makes you grow in ways you would never think.

Last post for 2015! Let's look back!

I am turning over a new leaf for next year. My life, wow! I am finally accepting it. It's amazing right now. Heavenly Father has showed me that he always offers peace after the storm and the last year has been our blizzard storm. Parker and I have talked about how hard this year has been, not only individually, but for the entire family. Ryker has been a trooper, we have trudged through full force and it has been hard. To be honest, this last year has been the hardest trial and storm I have personally experienced. With my parents getting divorced, my grandparents dying, teachings, and all the crazy things we have gone through being married, this has trumped all of them. But thinking back, those trails made it easier for me to push through this last year. I wouldn't want to go through it again, but if it came to it I know I could make it again. Idaho was our trial to grow as a couple and to improve our marriage. We grew together and without that experience we probably wouldn't have been strong enough to make it. We got thrown into the games with a strong front because of the experiences in Idaho. We worked together to become stronger. It was not easy and we almost gave up, but we made it. Our life is better for it. Heavenly Father sure does know what we can and can't take. He was preparing us for Ryker. Together and Individually. Our family needed to be strong and our marriage needed to be strong to take on all Ryker's challenges. The money challenges in Rexburg made us realized we needed to be prepared better for the future, which it paid off in the end. When we needed family in Idaho, we realized we had it with our ward family. That ward really showed us how a ward is suppose to be, They were amazing at helping others carry their burdens and love each other not matter what. Here we needed our actually family for this last year trails. It was always nice to have someone to talk to and cry to when times were tough. Our family relationships has become stronger and hearts have changed making our family stronger. I have also realized over that past couple of months is that Parker is the perfect dad for Ryker. He is not judgemental and he just is so patient toward him. He doesn't see all his problems, he just loves him for who he is. I love Parker for that. So fathers could take it hard and that would have made it harder on me. I took longer to accept the fact that Ryker will always be special needs, Parker on the other hand accepted it quickly and moved on fast. It was inspiring and impressing. I need to be more accepting of hard things. He is a great example of that. Ryker has made a huge difference in our family and our extended families. He has been an answer to a lot of our family dramas. Hearts have really become softer and love has been show more this last year.

The last couple of weeks of this year have been memorable. We have had many Christmas parties with families. See everyone and realizing how much change that has happened the last 12 months has been incredible. We partied at the Meyers' house right before Christmas. Unfortunately Ryker and Parker were both sick so I attended with Tanner and his kids. This last sickness for Ryker has been an eye opener. I am realizing he is just a kid now, not a medically depend special needs child. I don't worry about him being sick anymore. I know he will be okay and it doesn't stress me out like it use to. We went to the new Star Wars movie with Colby and Susan. It was nice to see friends this past couple of weeks. I really feel like our lives are starting to become normal again. Thanks goodness, it has been a long time coming. We also have many sleepovers at Clyde and Sheila's house. It's been great to have Ryker bond with his grandparents. He is recognizing faces and people so he will have a lasting relationship with them. Christmas was memorable. We partied at our house this year. We started a new tradition of playing games and winning prizes. It was fun to have everyone together. Also, Jeromy has been hanging out at our house this past week. I love it when he stays here. I have found a deep appreciation for him. He is a great big brother and I look up to him so much. He is just trying to be a great future dad. I have seen so much change in him this past year and our relationship has improved to much in the last couple of months. He is truly one of my best friends and I hope it continues. We also have some fun coming up in the next couple of day. Parting again with the Allen family for new years and we also have Great Grandma's party on the 2nd of January. But I guess you will have to wait for that update in 2016.

Thinking about all that has happened this year, we have come so far, Last year at this time, Ryker was strictly fed through a tube. He struggled hard to breath. Ryker was so fragile and small. We worried and stressed about his often, not just only 12 months later he has his gtube gone, he is breathing on his own without oxygen, and he is growing to the point that the doctors said he is too fat and needs to go on a diet. lol. Ryker's life is great which makes all our lives less stressful and more full of appreciation. We are hoping life will be not so stressful and full of life. We will be taking our first family vacation out of Utah next year so hopefully that will be successful. The PJs adventure is pushing forward and we look forward to what it will be next year. Thanks for following this year!

Winter is Finally Here!

Well this has been a very exciting weekend for us Allen's. We got to have our traditional Allen Family Christmas Party at Grandma Sheila's house. It was so much fun gathering together to make Gingerbread houses, eat yummy food, and watching Christmas shows together. I was feeling very blessed, loved and appreciated for all that has done for our beautiful family. Christmas Season always makes you realize how blessed and lucky you are. It makes you appreciate all you have and the family around you. It is nice to be here, even though I have no been so appreciative of it pretty much all year. But during Christmas time and the holidays it makes you love and appreciate your family. I love this time of year! I am realizing that living here we can spend sometime with family and have Ryker get to know his Aunts, Uncles, and grandparents. He needs it. Sheila does such a great job making Christmas time special. She always makes Christmas so special and very memorable. I feel like she out does herself every year I truly appreciate all her sentimental amazingness and willingness to love everyone. It inspires me to be better. She makes the holidays special and I look forward to it each year. We have great traditions coming together in our family. We are going to starting living up all the winter fun activities that are around. Christmas lights, parties, Christmas movies, hot coco, etc. We are going to start our traditions this year now that Ryker is starting to become aware of everything. Well the traditions Sheila has started for our grandma fun are pretty exciting and I know Ryker will love them once he understands all of the magic of Christmas. Ryker got this Minon that sings baby lullabies and he loves it. We use it every night now. ha. Great gift.  Sheila really made it a special Christmas this year.

We woke up to 9 inches of snow this morning. It really is a winter wonderland outside. It makes Christmas more magical. I think Snow is magic because you look outside and everything is colorful yet all the leaves are starting to die. But snow makes it sparkle. It's like it takes all the crazy colors and makes them a clean slate and it's like starting a new painting. Reminds me of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. It's like making a clean canvas and making the painting all over again.  It was pretty amazing to see everything so clean and white. Another reminder of why we celebrate this Christmas season. The Savior is our world, our life, and our meaning. Every time I see the purity of fresh white snow it reminds me of all the blessing and miracles the Savior has done for me. It's perfect to think of how Heavenly Father created something so pure for us to remember our Savior.  I hope we all can remember his amazing miracle and gift he gave us all year around and not just for Christmas. Check out this video it really puts this gift into perspective.

Our Year Summed up in a little book

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Christmas is Just Around the Corner

It's been almost a month since my last post. I have been pretty busy the last couple of weeks with school and yard work. This semester for school has been a challenge. I have loved my class this time around, but it really has stretched my thinking. I have had to do some much thinking and reflecting on my life. This course has changed my future plans for my career, if I ever get to take my career to the next level. Ryker is my major priority right now.  But I can finally say all my weeds are pulled and my leaves are raked. It was a very hard back breaking process, but I give it permission to snow now. It would be nice to get snow for Christmas. Speaking of Christmas, this year I have been so excited about the holidays. I had fun making wreaths and garlands for my house decor and it's been two years since I put up a Christmas tree. To be honest with all the crazy trails that have been thrown at us this year, I have finally can breath again. The happiness Parker and I found in Idaho, we finally have it hear. Ryker is doing well, we finally can breath with medical bills paid for, and I hate to admit it, but we are getting closer to family. I haven't been this happy for such a long time. I am a different person these days.

Ryker has improved so much the last couple of months. He did just get foot braces. They will help his little chubby ankles stabilize his knees so he can stand properly. So far he doesn't mind them. He also got big boy toddler glasses. Oh my little Ryks looks so cute in his glasses. We had an appointment with the eye doc. We were told that Ryker's vision has improved so much. He is loving the fact that he can see things and pay attention to your face. He suggested one more eye muscle surgery. The date is set for February 12th. Hopefully it goes well. Surgery is always a stressful thing, but honestly I am not worried about it. Ryker proved to me that he can handle it. He is a fighter and he fights everyday and makes his mama proud!  The doc said that if everything goes well, Ryker may not need glasses or if he does he will have a different prescription. Thankful hearts are in the Allen home these days.

Thanksgiving was a great day. We spend the week at the parents house so Ryker could spend sometime with his grandparents. It's been really fun having Ryker get to know them and share time with them. It also has been nice to have a baby that is not medically dependent. We can actually do things as a family and enjoy doing things together. We will be spending Christmas with them here at our house. I admit it is nice to have family around so Ryker can get to know them. We went to a Christmas Party for kids with special needs. We brought the parents with us. It was nice because I actually felt like we fit there. That is where we are suppose to be. It was an eye opener. I do think we will be doing more activities like that more often. It will not only help me develop lasting friendships, but when Ryker is older he can get friends that are like him. Special!

I got to do service at the bishops store house a couple of weeks ago. It was an interesting experience. It actually took me back to when my family got food from the church. Many years we had to do service at the store house. I never had the chance and I am not sure why. I guess my parents must have done it or maybe it just didn't get done. But I am grateful for the storehouse. Heavenly Father really blessed my family when I was younger. I didn't realize how poor we were until later in life. My parents were really good at hiding it. I hope my kids don't have to experience what I had to experience, but if they do I know we will all love each other and be blessed for it.

Once again I am humbled with my life situations and the trails I have gone through. As much as I believe what I have been through I remember things could always be worse and I will always get through the trials. This week in Relief Society we talked about trials and relying on God. It's been one of those years where I have needed him the most. I just remember we all need him. We all go through things that makes us stronger and have more faith. You know I feel like Heavenly Father is allowing more and more trials in our lives because life is getting harder. He needs us to have more faith and be more diligent I can't wait for another year of greatness. Heaven is not far. The last couple of weeks I have been pondering on all the families we knew that have lost a baby. I have often think that could have been us last year. We could have been without Ryker for this Christmas, but Heaven Father had a different plan. I am truly blessed and grateful he had a different plan for us.

These Pictures are Family Photo for 2015! My little guy has changed so much! What a happy little man he is!

We have come a long ways in a year! This is our family Pictures from Last December! Ryker's First Christmas!

Miracles and more miracles

The past 16 months has proven that God provides miracles for those that have faith and are diligent in that faith. Ryker is my proof of miracles really happening. We have been told by many that Ryker shouldn't be here with us and he for sure shouldn't be doing as well as he has been doing. From now on, no matter how often or how much I doubt, I will always remember my miracle baby. God loves us and he is really here wanting to bless us.

As a missionary I was sitting on a bus reading the book of Mormon in English. There was a man that came up to me looking like he was homeless, dirty, and drug. He asked me about the book. He said he knew that that book would change his life and he needed one. The only book I had in english was mine, the one I was reading. So with faith I gave it to him. Three months later, the elders brought him to church. I didn't recognize him. He was dressed in a nice suit and all cleaned up. He came up to me and said your book changed my life. The greatest thing about this story is he name was Blessing. Through that faith brings blessings!. All of this year, I have been thinking about this story. It gave me hope for our situation. Now our situation is finally the blessing! Trials makes you stronger and if you fight through them, you will see miracles in your life.

Back in July at the temple, I had an impression that the surgery Ryker was going to have was going to answer all the questions. He was going to get off oxygen and his health would improve. When it didn't happen right away or right after surgery I was a little disappointed. I was starting to doubt my inspiration, but this week the inspiration that I had came true. Ryker is off of oxygen. He is doing all the things that I hoped he would with his health. We have seen the heart doc, the lung doc, and ENT. ENT didn't find a hole in his soft palate, so no surgery for that. All of them have said they are amazed with his improvement. We don't have to see any more doctors for a year. It puts things into perspective! We could potentially move out of Utah, not now, but someday. That's bonus. Ryker has changed my life!

Well this week we also found out that Ryker will be needing more brace supports. So not only does he use his hand braces and neck brace, he will also need foot and ankle ones. We were told he will possibly need to have surgery on his legs and feet. Probably not for a while, but surgery will be in his future. All in all, Ryker is doing so well. He looks so different without oxygen. He is getting new glasses and without his oxygen he looks like a little toddler. So cute!  Today he enjoyed Aladdin the movie. He watched the whole thing without fuss. Guess he liked the colors or something. It was pretty cute actually. Life is going how it's suppose to. I am loving it. I can't wait for the holidays and I am super excited to decorate for Christmas. So folks don't be judging if you see my house decked out for Christmas this week.

The PJs Adventure moving forward

It's been awhile since I wrote. It's not because I have been busy or things have been stressful. For once in this last year I have been able to be lazy. ha ha. Things have been great. We are finally feeling comfortable to venture out of our house with little man. It's actually been nice being about to trust his health enough to have a little family fun outside our house. For Halloween, we went down to Clyde and Sheila's house for the weekend. It was a little vacation because Grandma Sheila was willing and great in taking care of Ryks. I could actually enjoy having fun without worrying about him. It's been a long time coming. It's November and I often think about last year's events. This was the month Ryks got to come home. It was a great feeling being able to take him home, but we had so many other crazy things happen between then and now. I am just grateful Heavenly Father prepared me and gave me the strength to get through this last year. It's made me a better person and has given me more hope and faith in our creator. My patience has been tested and my love for the savior has grown. All in one year I have learned so much about my Heavenly Father and my savior. They have been my rock. They have been the ones I have leaned on. I am truly grateful for the miracles and blessings our little family has seen this past year. It's going to be a huge foundation of my testimony for the rest of my life.

Well Halloween was wonderful. We got to dress up and go trick or treating for the first time. Ryker wasn't sure what to do. He did like picking out the shiny wrappers at each house. We all dressed up as a monster from Monsters University. It was so much fun seeing Ryker spend sometime with his Grandparents. He hasn't really been about to do that with us staying home all the time. An acquaintance of ours brought  home her little 26 week baby after spending 4 months in the NICU so we got to see them. It was thinking, WOW! I can't believe that was us last year. It was crazy! He was so cute and so little! The oxygen tube was covering his entire face just like Ryker. I am so glad we are not at that point anymore.

Ryker's health has improved once again. He had a sleep study. The respiratory therapist that we had from the sleep study in June was the same one. I was made at her back in June because she was the one that sent us to the hospital. She told Parker that she just felt like something was wrong and she needed to send him. Well I apologized to her. She was following the spirit. Well the study went really well. We found out that he can go down on his oxygen requirements at night and during the day. Right now he has gone down from 3 liters of oxygen at night to 3/4 liters. During the day is tons better as well. He has gone from 1/2 to 1/32 which is the last notch on the oxygen tank. Incredible. I didn't think we would ever get to this point. I am so glad I followed my mom instinct and didn't allow the doctors to trach my little man. The surgery for his hernia has really proven to be the answer to our prayers. I am feeling nervous that at our next appointment the doctors will take away the oxygen completely during the day. Exciting, but scary as well. We will really need to be careful that he won't get sick. We will for sure have to go to the hospital. Praying for a good winter cold and flu season. No sickness at our house.

Physical therapy and occupational therapy have been very helpful the last couple of weeks. We found out that Ryker has a processing delay in his brain. Which is normal for his syndrome. It's a little crazy because I keep thinking Ryker is a just a normal baby that was born premature, but then news like this reminds me that he has a syndrome. But we can do this. We also found out that he has scoliosis in his back. Which is a curve on his spine. We will be doing stretching and positioning therapy to help it, but when he gets older he will most likely have to have a rod put in his back. We will see. I am not to worried about it right now. Ryker doesn't have to get a helmet. Thank goodness for that! Yes his head is a little misshapen, but it has improved. Plus our insurance won't pay for it anyway. So one less thing we have to worry about. Ryks has another swallow study and passed with nectar thick liquids. We were told he has a small hole in his soft palate making the liquid go straight up his nose. Most likely we will be doing surgery for that in January. I will be taking him to the ENT next week for a consultation about this problem. I will keep you updated. All these new developments are small compared to what we have gone through this past year, so piece of cake right!

Things are going the way they are suppose to. I am still not sure what our purpose is here in Clearfield. I am still trying to figure out what Heavenly Father wants of us here in Utah, but finally we have breathing room. And less stress in our little family.