The PJ's
Monday, April 10, 2017
Real Talk
Its been months since my last real post. Lately I have been feeling the stress of Ryker's syndrome, family challenges, and overwhelming to do lists. I was talking to Parker a couple of nights ago and he suggested that I stop being a fake positive all the time and just be real. Express my feelings and not to bottle them up inside until the point of explosion. So I have decided that my goal for this year. Its time to use this blog like I always meant it to be. My way of coping with the trials that I am faced with and the overcoming triumphs that I have in coping with those stresses.
I have been following many moms that are raising special needs kids and I am finding that I am not the only one out there feeling the way I do. Like I told Parker, I love my son. Ryker is the best thing that ever happened to my family, but I hate Ryker's syndrome. Yes, I understand the syndrome is what makes Ryker special and different. But is also makes my life so much more hard. You know because of Ryker's syndrome we get a happy kid. Someone who just doesn't care about anything. He is always happy over the smallest things. I am grateful for that. I see other special needs kids that have behavioral problems, or more severe medical problems, and yes he has is fair share of struggles, but I could always be worse. I admire those parents that have a far more severe kid then mine. So what is there to complain right?/ To those parents, I want to give them a hug and tell them they are amazing and making a difference.
There are times I wonder why Parker and I were chosen to be Ryker's parents. What was the reasoning? That's definitely going to be one of the first questions I ask when I die. I feel like sometimes I am still in denial when it comes to Ryker's syndrome. Like, its just a phase or he will become normal someday. But the days that I realize its not going to change are the hard ones. Imagine your worst trial God has put in your path. You go through it and it sucks, but when you overcome it you have a sense of relief. Like, "I got this!" Give me another one! I am still waiting for the sense of relief. It never comes, and most likely it won't ever come. I am struggling I guess with just accepting it. Ryker is special needs and I need to just accept he will always be different. Who wants to be part of the norm anyways right?
Think of swimming in the ocean. The storm is raging and you are drowning. Fighting for air, suffocating, and the only help you have is the small empty fishing boat floating away. The more you get closer wishing you could get in, the more scare you become because who is there to help anyway. Its hard to open yourself up to help, its hard to open yourself to those around you when you feel like a lost swimmer isolated and lonely.
I am finding the lonely side of being a special needs family. We can't do many things other families do. Taking Ryker in tight public places is nerve racking. If someone is sick, Ryker gets it. And when Ryker gets it we are really stuck at home for two or three weeks because he always gets an infection from it.
Let's talk preschool guys, oh my goodness am I super stressed about that. Ryker doesn't have the tools to help him communicate or realize danger warnings. If someone bullies him, he will just take it and not cry to say a word. Finding the right school that will do his therapies so he can learn to crawl and walk. Yikes!! I am probably being too over protective, but I didn't fight this hard for him to survive to get lost by the way side of school. I am a former educator. I know how it is. Scary!!
Anyway, we just plucking at it. Keep on fighting and pushing forward. That's all anyone can do. Miracles really do happen. Ryker is a miracle and I know we will make it through the tough days as well.
Tuesday, March 28, 2017
Sunday, October 9, 2016
Life is throwing us a curve ball!
Well Folks, I am please to announce that we will be selling our home shortly and be moving down to Utah county. American Fork to be more specific. It's been a long time coming. We have been thinking about this for a while with Ryker and how he is progressing. And not really knowing the whole purpose of us being here in Clearfield. We still haven't figured out this whole craziness of our life yet, but I feel good about this move. There are still some unanswered questions and concerns with this decision, but I know Heavenly Father will be there for us. I also know this is going to be good for our future and our family.
This all came about when I decided it was time to get out of debt and pay off everything. I don't know if any of are familiar with Dave Ramsey, but I have fall into the debt free zone and listening to him on the radio. Well, paying off debt hasn't been the most fun thing ever, but we will be completely debt free once our house is clear. YEAH! We decided that selling our house would be the best to get out of debt and to start fresh with our finances. So the wheels just started going. We talked with a real estate broker and found out what our house was worth. We found out about capital gains and how to get out of them. And here were are moving forward and moving on ward. I got a job in American Fork which will be starting in a week or so. We found a place to live in a basement apartment. And we even found a great resource to get Ryker a permante walker to keep at the house. I feel like everything is falling into place. Which is a little worrisome because it might be too good to be true, but we have a buyer and things seem to be moving forward. Wish us luck! Another adventure in the PJ life. It's time to say goodbye to Clearfield. Life is pretty crazy, and unexpected for sure. Hope this next chapter in our fairy tale will be one with peace and quite, on the other hand, maybe not.
This all came about when I decided it was time to get out of debt and pay off everything. I don't know if any of are familiar with Dave Ramsey, but I have fall into the debt free zone and listening to him on the radio. Well, paying off debt hasn't been the most fun thing ever, but we will be completely debt free once our house is clear. YEAH! We decided that selling our house would be the best to get out of debt and to start fresh with our finances. So the wheels just started going. We talked with a real estate broker and found out what our house was worth. We found out about capital gains and how to get out of them. And here were are moving forward and moving on ward. I got a job in American Fork which will be starting in a week or so. We found a place to live in a basement apartment. And we even found a great resource to get Ryker a permante walker to keep at the house. I feel like everything is falling into place. Which is a little worrisome because it might be too good to be true, but we have a buyer and things seem to be moving forward. Wish us luck! Another adventure in the PJ life. It's time to say goodbye to Clearfield. Life is pretty crazy, and unexpected for sure. Hope this next chapter in our fairy tale will be one with peace and quite, on the other hand, maybe not.
Monday, September 19, 2016
The fun times of August 2016
August was our relaxing summer month. We didn't have much going on, but we did have a couple of fun even happen. Ryker got to hang out with his 2nd cousins in Spanish Fork while Parker and I went to the Crash and Bash car derby in Nephi with the Allen Fam clan. It was pretty fun. I am not use to letting someone watch little Ryker so I was a little nervous leaving him. I knew he would be fine, but it's just Ryker. It was fine and I am sure it will happen again. It's just a little weird leaving my little buddy. He is with me all day everyday. It was good to not to have to worry about him though. Great date for sure!
We also went to the Desert Star playhouse. I have never been there before. It was so much fun. I love plays and musicals. This place served food while you watched. It was like all dressed up like the olden times of the theater experience. That was a for sure do again. I really loved it!
Josh and Sadie came up to our house a lot in August. It is always fun to hang with them. Sadie is my bestest friend ever! I love her so much. We have a good time together making things and painting furniture. I know Parker and Ryker enjoys it as well. Parker gets a video game buddy all weekend. And Ryker has such a special bond with his Auntie Sadie. It's crazy. He loves her so much! I love how we are so close to my family these days. Now that everyone is either married or has a family of their own we seem to be closer. I can't wait until Josh and Sadie have kiddos. We are going to have a blast getting together to have the cousins play. It's going to be a blast.
I found that sometimes dad's are not the best babysitters this month. I went food shopping with Sadie one Saturday. Josh and Parker were in charge of Ryker. I told them they need to feed him and put him down for a nap. We were gone for two hours. When we got back I found my little man in a pile of potato flakes and a full diaper. The two grown boys were both on the couch playing video games on their phones. Sometimes I wonder how my kid survives when Dad is in charge. LOL!
Ryker has grown so much this past month. He is in 2T clothes and getting so tall. I can't believe how big my little man is getting. He is finally growing into his big head. Milestones for him are a little difficult still. He is really wobbly when he is sitting on the floor and he absolutely hates to crawl. That crawling device we got him is only useful for holding dirty laundry and maybe an hour out of the day for crawling. I wish he had stronger muscles to get his little body moving. We were in a therapy appointment in August with his Physical Therapist. The last 5 minutes of the appointment we always have to rate him goals on a scale of 1 to 10. I know I have high expectations and he probably hasn't received a 10 by my rating scale. I broke down one therapy appointment. I expressed to the therapist how hard it is for me to see my little boy struggle and work so hard to move. My niece and nephew who are only 6-7 months old are already crawling around and sitting by themselves. It makes me so frustrated to see "NORMAL" kids to what Ryker can not. He doesn't understand it, but someday he will. I don't know what I am going to say to him or how he will feel. It breaks my heart to see my son struggle so much with just the little things.
August was a month full of grandparents. Ryker got to hang out with his Grandma and Grandpa Allen, Grandma Lori and Grandpa Julian, and we saw Grandma Julian some too. I am so glad he is getting to know them. I loved to spend time with my grandparents when I was little. It was my favorite thing to go sleepover and play cards. Ryker has some pretty awesome grandparents. I am so glad we are so close where he can get time to see them.
Well folks, that's our run down of August. I hope to post again soon. But I don't promise because I am not the best at this blog thing. If it's not graded for a homework assignment. It's a little tricky to get it done. Ha!
We also went to the Desert Star playhouse. I have never been there before. It was so much fun. I love plays and musicals. This place served food while you watched. It was like all dressed up like the olden times of the theater experience. That was a for sure do again. I really loved it!
Josh and Sadie came up to our house a lot in August. It is always fun to hang with them. Sadie is my bestest friend ever! I love her so much. We have a good time together making things and painting furniture. I know Parker and Ryker enjoys it as well. Parker gets a video game buddy all weekend. And Ryker has such a special bond with his Auntie Sadie. It's crazy. He loves her so much! I love how we are so close to my family these days. Now that everyone is either married or has a family of their own we seem to be closer. I can't wait until Josh and Sadie have kiddos. We are going to have a blast getting together to have the cousins play. It's going to be a blast.
I found that sometimes dad's are not the best babysitters this month. I went food shopping with Sadie one Saturday. Josh and Parker were in charge of Ryker. I told them they need to feed him and put him down for a nap. We were gone for two hours. When we got back I found my little man in a pile of potato flakes and a full diaper. The two grown boys were both on the couch playing video games on their phones. Sometimes I wonder how my kid survives when Dad is in charge. LOL!
Ryker has grown so much this past month. He is in 2T clothes and getting so tall. I can't believe how big my little man is getting. He is finally growing into his big head. Milestones for him are a little difficult still. He is really wobbly when he is sitting on the floor and he absolutely hates to crawl. That crawling device we got him is only useful for holding dirty laundry and maybe an hour out of the day for crawling. I wish he had stronger muscles to get his little body moving. We were in a therapy appointment in August with his Physical Therapist. The last 5 minutes of the appointment we always have to rate him goals on a scale of 1 to 10. I know I have high expectations and he probably hasn't received a 10 by my rating scale. I broke down one therapy appointment. I expressed to the therapist how hard it is for me to see my little boy struggle and work so hard to move. My niece and nephew who are only 6-7 months old are already crawling around and sitting by themselves. It makes me so frustrated to see "NORMAL" kids to what Ryker can not. He doesn't understand it, but someday he will. I don't know what I am going to say to him or how he will feel. It breaks my heart to see my son struggle so much with just the little things.
August was a month full of grandparents. Ryker got to hang out with his Grandma and Grandpa Allen, Grandma Lori and Grandpa Julian, and we saw Grandma Julian some too. I am so glad he is getting to know them. I loved to spend time with my grandparents when I was little. It was my favorite thing to go sleepover and play cards. Ryker has some pretty awesome grandparents. I am so glad we are so close where he can get time to see them.
Well folks, that's our run down of August. I hope to post again soon. But I don't promise because I am not the best at this blog thing. If it's not graded for a homework assignment. It's a little tricky to get it done. Ha!
Where can I turn for Peace? And The Uncertainties of Life!
Lately, for some reason I have been feeling a spiritual slump. I feel the lack of the guidance of the spirit and spiritually confused. I have lots of unanswered questions of the future, of little Ryker, and of life in general. I have come to find where I turn for peace. It's through reading the scriptures and praying to my Father in Heaven. I have found the reasoning for the lack of spiritual uplifting is due to my lack of diligence in doing to small things. I am waiting for things to unfold, the eye opener of our purpose and reasons of why we are here in Clearfield. Its pretty frustrated to think I am wasting my time in a place, but is there is a purpose. Often I feel spiritual suffocated.
The past few weeks has been one of those times when I feel uncertain of God's plan in my life. We have been planning on selling our home here in Clearfield for sometime now, but we have to wait until next April so we don't have to pay capital gain tax. The feeling of uncertainty has rest upon us lately. We have been working hard to get out of debt and stay out of debt. It's been our summer's wish to have everything paid for. We are in discussions of selling our Truck and trailer and down grading to something more affordable to pay off my student loans. We are uncertain of where to go after selling our house.
The feelings I felt when I was pregnant with Ryker in Idaho Falls are coming back to me. The uncertainty of where to go, what is going to happen, and what's is our next chapter in this book of life. I know Heavenly Father is going to throw a curve ball at us, He always does for some reason. The things we plan for always seem to be different then His plan. I am scared, excited, and a little nervous for what's next in our PJs Adventures.
Every time I pray to see the whole picture, I only get a feeling of peace. A small voice stating, "It's all in the Lord's hands, Rest, Peace be with you." I know it's in the Lord's hands, but sometimes I don't like what's in the store for us. Heavenly Father knows me, He knows I struggle with uncertainty. But I must have to learn something because it's happened many times in our marriage. Here we go again another Leap of Faith to the unknown. Hopefully we fly instead of sink.
The past few weeks has been one of those times when I feel uncertain of God's plan in my life. We have been planning on selling our home here in Clearfield for sometime now, but we have to wait until next April so we don't have to pay capital gain tax. The feeling of uncertainty has rest upon us lately. We have been working hard to get out of debt and stay out of debt. It's been our summer's wish to have everything paid for. We are in discussions of selling our Truck and trailer and down grading to something more affordable to pay off my student loans. We are uncertain of where to go after selling our house.
The feelings I felt when I was pregnant with Ryker in Idaho Falls are coming back to me. The uncertainty of where to go, what is going to happen, and what's is our next chapter in this book of life. I know Heavenly Father is going to throw a curve ball at us, He always does for some reason. The things we plan for always seem to be different then His plan. I am scared, excited, and a little nervous for what's next in our PJs Adventures.
Every time I pray to see the whole picture, I only get a feeling of peace. A small voice stating, "It's all in the Lord's hands, Rest, Peace be with you." I know it's in the Lord's hands, but sometimes I don't like what's in the store for us. Heavenly Father knows me, He knows I struggle with uncertainty. But I must have to learn something because it's happened many times in our marriage. Here we go again another Leap of Faith to the unknown. Hopefully we fly instead of sink.
Friday, August 5, 2016
A quick update on our life in June 2016!
Man lots has happened in our crazy month of June. We have been crazy busy this summer already. Sometimes it's just hard to juggle everything. We haven't been home on the weekends this last month because of all the crazy family functions we got to attend. I am looking forward to a couple of weekends at home to just sit and relax and just be with our little family. Not that getting together with extended family is a bad thing, but I do enjoy a little PJS family time as well.
We started the month of June off with a great fishing trip with my dad and Lori. We headed up to Midway Utah to go fishing at a little fish pond by my dad's house. We had such a great time enjoying each other's company. And Little Ryk man got to have some bonding time with his grandparents. We caught five fish. I caught two, Ryker caught two and my dad caught one. The funny thing is we had a little tiny kid pole. Ryker's pole he got for Christmas a while back from my dad. We caught most of the fist from that pole. It was funny when we reeled it in. The fish would jump and wiggle around on this little pole. We even let Ryker touch the fish. He squeezed it and smiled. It was so cute seeing him play with the fish. I am sure he was just trying to figure out what it was and why it was so slimy. But his face was a classic. He was worried and happy all at the same time. We have been enjoying Dad and Lori's company lately during the softball season. They have been coming to help watch Ryker while Parker and I play ball. It's good for Ryker to have a relationship with his grandparents. He seems to enjoy them and I am glad they are willing to come watch and help babysit.
Speaking of softball it was a hard month for me. I love softball don't get me wrong, but since my little insistent with the line drive to the face I have not been playing very well. My eyes were slightly off and I was worried about getting hit again. I defiantly couldn't hit or caught the ball. It was very frustrating. And to top it all off I hate being the so called manager/coach. It is super stressful getting players there every week and I feel like sometimes people don't appreciate all the effort I make to get the team there. I can't wait for the time off of being coach. I don't know if I will ever do it again. I like just showing up and playing with no worries. But June was hard to even play for me. It took until the last game in June to finally get back into the groove of things. Concussions mess you up that's for sure! We did happen to win two of our games in June. That was a good feeling. I will tired of losing every game. It's hard to want to play when you lose all the time. I am just competitive I guess. LOL!
We did start a tradition as a team which was something I look forward to it every game. We go to wingers after and eat. It's a blast to get to know all the players on a personal level and just hang out. It makes softball season more fun! We have made a couple of friends because of the after game wingers party. Cailin and Dave will be lifers for sure!!
June we had the chance to attend the parade of homes for utah county. It got me really excited to move. I know we have to wait another six months, but my mind is a working on the details of where we will be next year. I really hope it pans out that in my head, but if not, God always makes the ride of life exciting and enjoyable most of the time. HA. I love the parade of home though. It gives me ideas of what to do in my current home. My budget might not like the parade of home because of all the stuff I want to do, but it's still fun to see all the crazy and creative ideas that go into home decor.
Ryker experience the Rodeo in Pleasant Grove for the first time. He didn't seem to care really. But to be honest I am loving the fact we get to do things as a family. I am so grateful we are not home bound anymore. It got really lonely and not fun. So at least that point of time is gone. Thank goodness! But the rodeo was fun. It's the same old every time, but we got to enjoy strawberries and cream. I always wanted to be one of the cowgirls the ride around the barrels. But that dream never happened. I am probably too much of a chicken now to try.
We found a great little party place for kids in June. It's call the train shoppe in Salt lake. I didn't think it would be cool at first, but you go in and it looks like a regular shop to buy parts for toy trains. Expensive hobby that for sure! But in the back are model trains you put coins in and see them go. Ryker liked all the lights and sounds when they would go around. We also got to ride a kid size train. It went around in a circle and showed different scenes of outdoor animals. All were animated and moved. It was pretty cool. He also took a ride on a old pioneer wagon. He didn't seem to like it much, but it was a good time.
We had two birthday celebrations in June. Ryker's cousin Joel turned two. He had a smashing swimming pool party. All the cousins came and we went swimming in their backyard with all the kiddy pools. Ryker doesn't do much in pools, but he does love baths. He will splash until his heart is content. He actually got to tub it with his cousins in June. All four of them in the same tub. It was pretty funny. Great Grandpa Allen had his 80th birthday in June. We all ventured down to Nephi and celebrated with him at his house. We had dutch oven deliciousness and good old fashion kids playing in the backyard. It's always nice to have all the extended family together. Now that my grandparents are gone we don't do anything with my extended family. It was like they were the glue to put it all together. Now I probably won't ever see any of my cousins anymore unless I put something together. But at this point in my life I am not that ambitious.
So funny thing happened in June. I got a job teaching again. It was teaching online to Chinese kids. It was super fun. I loved being a teacher again. It is definitely my passion and was I was born to do. I really had missed it so much. The kids were the same as regular kids. Did the same funny things such as picking noses and playing with their toes. It was a great experience. The only down fall was they wanted me to teach more then I was suppose and the time of day was horrible. I worked from 4:00am-8:00am. Not fun at all. It took all my energy. To be honest it would have been a great job if I wasn't a mom. I wish I could have powered through it, but Ryker and Parker are way more important then some extra cash and teaching. I would rather spend time with them then sleep so I could get up and go to work. Plus all those that know me I am not a happy camper when I don't get much sleep. So I quit. I did it for two weeks. It was a great experience, something I will definitely put on my resume. But at this point in time, not for me! Maybe when my kids are in school and I can sleep during the day when they are gone. I will definitely think about it.
Now my friends that's a wrap of our June fun. Here are a few pictures to hold you over until I post again for our July adventures. July was a busy month as well.
We started the month of June off with a great fishing trip with my dad and Lori. We headed up to Midway Utah to go fishing at a little fish pond by my dad's house. We had such a great time enjoying each other's company. And Little Ryk man got to have some bonding time with his grandparents. We caught five fish. I caught two, Ryker caught two and my dad caught one. The funny thing is we had a little tiny kid pole. Ryker's pole he got for Christmas a while back from my dad. We caught most of the fist from that pole. It was funny when we reeled it in. The fish would jump and wiggle around on this little pole. We even let Ryker touch the fish. He squeezed it and smiled. It was so cute seeing him play with the fish. I am sure he was just trying to figure out what it was and why it was so slimy. But his face was a classic. He was worried and happy all at the same time. We have been enjoying Dad and Lori's company lately during the softball season. They have been coming to help watch Ryker while Parker and I play ball. It's good for Ryker to have a relationship with his grandparents. He seems to enjoy them and I am glad they are willing to come watch and help babysit.
Speaking of softball it was a hard month for me. I love softball don't get me wrong, but since my little insistent with the line drive to the face I have not been playing very well. My eyes were slightly off and I was worried about getting hit again. I defiantly couldn't hit or caught the ball. It was very frustrating. And to top it all off I hate being the so called manager/coach. It is super stressful getting players there every week and I feel like sometimes people don't appreciate all the effort I make to get the team there. I can't wait for the time off of being coach. I don't know if I will ever do it again. I like just showing up and playing with no worries. But June was hard to even play for me. It took until the last game in June to finally get back into the groove of things. Concussions mess you up that's for sure! We did happen to win two of our games in June. That was a good feeling. I will tired of losing every game. It's hard to want to play when you lose all the time. I am just competitive I guess. LOL!
We did start a tradition as a team which was something I look forward to it every game. We go to wingers after and eat. It's a blast to get to know all the players on a personal level and just hang out. It makes softball season more fun! We have made a couple of friends because of the after game wingers party. Cailin and Dave will be lifers for sure!!
June we had the chance to attend the parade of homes for utah county. It got me really excited to move. I know we have to wait another six months, but my mind is a working on the details of where we will be next year. I really hope it pans out that in my head, but if not, God always makes the ride of life exciting and enjoyable most of the time. HA. I love the parade of home though. It gives me ideas of what to do in my current home. My budget might not like the parade of home because of all the stuff I want to do, but it's still fun to see all the crazy and creative ideas that go into home decor.
Ryker experience the Rodeo in Pleasant Grove for the first time. He didn't seem to care really. But to be honest I am loving the fact we get to do things as a family. I am so grateful we are not home bound anymore. It got really lonely and not fun. So at least that point of time is gone. Thank goodness! But the rodeo was fun. It's the same old every time, but we got to enjoy strawberries and cream. I always wanted to be one of the cowgirls the ride around the barrels. But that dream never happened. I am probably too much of a chicken now to try.
We found a great little party place for kids in June. It's call the train shoppe in Salt lake. I didn't think it would be cool at first, but you go in and it looks like a regular shop to buy parts for toy trains. Expensive hobby that for sure! But in the back are model trains you put coins in and see them go. Ryker liked all the lights and sounds when they would go around. We also got to ride a kid size train. It went around in a circle and showed different scenes of outdoor animals. All were animated and moved. It was pretty cool. He also took a ride on a old pioneer wagon. He didn't seem to like it much, but it was a good time.
We had two birthday celebrations in June. Ryker's cousin Joel turned two. He had a smashing swimming pool party. All the cousins came and we went swimming in their backyard with all the kiddy pools. Ryker doesn't do much in pools, but he does love baths. He will splash until his heart is content. He actually got to tub it with his cousins in June. All four of them in the same tub. It was pretty funny. Great Grandpa Allen had his 80th birthday in June. We all ventured down to Nephi and celebrated with him at his house. We had dutch oven deliciousness and good old fashion kids playing in the backyard. It's always nice to have all the extended family together. Now that my grandparents are gone we don't do anything with my extended family. It was like they were the glue to put it all together. Now I probably won't ever see any of my cousins anymore unless I put something together. But at this point in my life I am not that ambitious.
So funny thing happened in June. I got a job teaching again. It was teaching online to Chinese kids. It was super fun. I loved being a teacher again. It is definitely my passion and was I was born to do. I really had missed it so much. The kids were the same as regular kids. Did the same funny things such as picking noses and playing with their toes. It was a great experience. The only down fall was they wanted me to teach more then I was suppose and the time of day was horrible. I worked from 4:00am-8:00am. Not fun at all. It took all my energy. To be honest it would have been a great job if I wasn't a mom. I wish I could have powered through it, but Ryker and Parker are way more important then some extra cash and teaching. I would rather spend time with them then sleep so I could get up and go to work. Plus all those that know me I am not a happy camper when I don't get much sleep. So I quit. I did it for two weeks. It was a great experience, something I will definitely put on my resume. But at this point in time, not for me! Maybe when my kids are in school and I can sleep during the day when they are gone. I will definitely think about it.
Now my friends that's a wrap of our June fun. Here are a few pictures to hold you over until I post again for our July adventures. July was a busy month as well.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)